¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

wealthy, poorer nations

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-08 364

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.

One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
These things made the nation poor.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Your ideas are strong.
I just refined the grammar and word choice for clarity and natural flow. 
If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
>> Correct
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
>> Correct
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.
>> However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help as their counterparts.
One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
>> One primary reason is that no country can survive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
>> When it comes to the biological cycle, all creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
>> The case of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
>> In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered through war.
These things made the nation poor.
>> These events left the nation in poverty.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
>> Fortunately, a majority of neighboring countries helped Korea, allowing it to rebuild its economy from the ground up.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.
>> In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their resources with poorer nations.



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142956 2025.03.10 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 286
142955 3/10 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 1
142954 bigger salary ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 294
142953 Do you prefer relaxing or being active on weekends? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 283
142952 How do seasons affect your attitude ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 300
142951 I am afraid of making a mistake in kind of another culture... ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 310
142950 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 308
142949 Old books ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 336
142948 Correct the following sentences: ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 1
142947 What is your opinion on online shopping? Have you ever had a... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 2
142946 What is your favorite dessert? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 301
142945 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 287
142944 What is your favorite part of your daily schedule? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 282
142943 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142942 dear jane ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 275
142941 Why do you think more people choose not to get married recently? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 351
142940 How technology has Improved our lifestyle ±è*±æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 294
142939 Receiving help È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 297
142938 Yes, I like sushi. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 307
142937 The homework for March 7th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 288

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04