¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

wealthy, poorer nations

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-08 158

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.

One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
These things made the nation poor.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Your ideas are strong.
I just refined the grammar and word choice for clarity and natural flow. 
If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
>> Correct
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
>> Correct
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.
>> However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help as their counterparts.
One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
>> One primary reason is that no country can survive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
>> When it comes to the biological cycle, all creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
>> The case of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
>> In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered through war.
These things made the nation poor.
>> These events left the nation in poverty.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
>> Fortunately, a majority of neighboring countries helped Korea, allowing it to rebuild its economy from the ground up.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.
>> In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their resources with poorer nations.



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142649 Valuing present satisfaction ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 217
142648 Do you usually walk or take transportation to nearby places? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 2
142647 If you were to buy an older iPhone today, which model would you... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 0
142646 Meeting new people ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 307
142645 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142644 Is getting a divorce a wise decision? ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 308
142643 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142642 How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in... Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 324
142641 The homework for February 19th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 303
142640 Why do you think body language is important? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 325
142639 The five ways to protect our bodies, especially washing hands ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142638 What is your favorite shop in your neighborhood, and why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142637 At night~ Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 356
142636 2025.02.20 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 412
142635 If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world for free,... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142634 Homework🥰 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 335
142633 introduction of yourself ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 337
142632 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 330
142631 How important is patience for a violin class leader? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 239
142630 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 302

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04