¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK 3/7

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼Ö
2025-03-07 110

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Why do people care about what others think of them?

I like this title! first of all, I think I don't know the exact answer! But in my case, sometimes the care comes from low confidence, sometimes it comes from just a curiosity. I don't think the second case is bad. But in the first case, I think it isn't good for myself. so anyway, alway the best is moderate things.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Yesol!
Great start! Your idea is clear, and I like how you shared your personal perspective. Work on sentence structure and word choice for better flow.
~ Trixia

CONTENT:
I like this title! 
- CORRECT.
first of all, I think I don't know the exact answer! 
- First of all, I don¡¯t think I know the exact answer!
But in my case, sometimes the care comes from low confidence, sometimes it comes from just a curiosity. 
- However, in my case, sometimes caring comes from low confidence, and sometimes it comes from simple curiosity.
I don't think the second case is bad. But in the first case, I think it isn't good for myself. 
- I don¡¯t think the second case is bad, but the first case isn¡¯t good for me.
so anyway, alway the best is moderate things.
- So anyway, balance is always the best.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142844 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 2
142843 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 144
142842 Do you have a close relationship with your parents? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 151
142841 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 2
142840 Do you prefer plain or printed shirts/shorts? Why? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 1
142839 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 149
142838 post-partum depression ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 1
142837 relationship ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 2
142836 How do you prefer to be paid, in cash or have the money... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 146
142835 script Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 151
142834 Tourism and historical building_2 ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 2
142833 Tourism and historical buildings and sites_1 ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 2
142832 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 2
142831 Importance of green agrea Á¶*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 161
142830 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 1
142829 What is the best movie of all time for you? Why? ÀÌ*À± ÁøÇàÁß 2025-03-03 157
142828 Would you consider yourself a \"Jack-of-all-trades\"? Why? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 151
142827 I don¡¯t listen to podcasts. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 147
142826 HOMEWORK 3/3 ±è*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 154
142825 Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to relax and have fun... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 157

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04