¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How did breaking a sweat at the public bathroom help you feel more relaxed?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-03 114

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
Our muscles also need some tension for health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David! Your response is well-structured and effectively conveys your thoughts on the topic. Just be mindful of minor grammar details, such as using "those times" instead of "that times," and making slight wording adjustments for better clarity. Keep up the great work!

~ T. Lia

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
>> CORRECT


At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
>> At those times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.


If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
>> CORRECT


Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
>> Sometimes, if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.


However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
>> However, if I stay in the public bath for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.


Our muscles also need some tension for health.
>> Our muscles also need some tension to stay healthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142517 Some people believe that tourism destroys local culture. To what... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 2
142516 Do you believe that making an impression is comparable to... ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 353
142515 Valentine\'s Day ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1
142514 What are the advantages and disadvantages of having many cousins? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 233
142513 2/13 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1
142512 Is riding an airplane something you enjoy ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 288
142511 AI phone ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 276
142510 HOMEWORk ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 0
142509 Are GMO\'s good or bad? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 6
142508 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 295
142507 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 275
142506 Stores vs Online Shopping ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 323
142505 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1
142504 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 0
142503 Operation post care ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 14
142502 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 295
142501 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 287
142500 What is the best thing to do to please women on Valentine\'s Day? ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 198
142499 How to handle arguments with friends È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 297
142498 the origin of space ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04