¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How did breaking a sweat at the public bathroom help you feel more relaxed?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-03 112

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
Our muscles also need some tension for health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David! Your response is well-structured and effectively conveys your thoughts on the topic. Just be mindful of minor grammar details, such as using "those times" instead of "that times," and making slight wording adjustments for better clarity. Keep up the great work!

~ T. Lia

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
>> CORRECT


At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
>> At those times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.


If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
>> CORRECT


Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
>> Sometimes, if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.


However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
>> However, if I stay in the public bath for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.


Our muscles also need some tension for health.
>> Our muscles also need some tension to stay healthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142594 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 276
142593 Memory ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 280
142592 Why do you want study English. ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 277
142591 When do you see a doctor? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 3
142590 The homework for Fab 17th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 292
142589 The creator ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 0
142588 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 272
142587 Everyone prefers to look younger ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 310
142586 It was a backpacking trip to Western Europe with my family for... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1
142585 Why do you think people like to listen to gossip? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 289
142584 What do you think of plastic surgery? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 215
142583 For buy-and-sell platforms like Daangn Inc., how can they ensure... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 267
142582 How can you convince someone to stop making a bad habit? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 241
142581 What was your best travel experience so far? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 219
142580 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 245
142579 You talked about Filipino caregivers in Korea. If you are one of... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 309
142578 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 252
142577 basketball ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1
142576 Reflect on the past year: What are you most proud of, and what... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 286
142575 What is the greatest lesson you have learned from a book or a... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 243

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04