¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2025-02-26 197

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The reason why people work a lot is that their economic power is weakened that much.
Economic power here does not enrich our lives, but it refers to the money we spend and the economic ability we earn to enjoy life.
We have made economic progress, but we don't make much money to enrich our lives, which is why we take a lot of working hours.
To do this, bosses need to comply with the law and collaborate with workers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee~!^^ You did an excellent job establishing the context and clearly outlining the central theme of your essay. By presenting a thoughtful opening, you set a strong foundation for the argument that follows, making it easy for the reader to understand the direction of your analysis. The way you framed the issue not only engages but also encourages a deeper exploration of the topic in the body of the essay.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why people work a lot is that their economic power is weakened that much.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Economic power here does not enrich our lives, but it refers to the money we spend and the economic ability we earn to enjoy life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
We have made economic progress, but we don't make much money to enrich our lives, which is why we take a lot of working hours.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
To do this, bosses need to comply with the law and collaborate with workers.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141282 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 1186
141281 I want tell you chole class schedule~ ¼Õ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 2
141280 How do you think we can keep our minds sharp as we get older?... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 1209
141279 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 1065
141278 29Nov2024 Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 1184
141277 Taiwanese culture ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 847
141276 What\'s your favorite winter activity? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 2
141275 Page 59 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 0
141274 My toughest thing of experienced during my trip ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-12-02 1
141273 experiment ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 0
141272 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 2
141271 What are your thoughts on shopaholics? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 1863
141270 What are your thoughts on people who always move around or move... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 1990
141269 People get exercise while playing sports. Which sports are the... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 2
141268 What is your earliest childhood memory? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 0
141267 Did you have a lot of friends when you were a child? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 0
141266 Are people using dogs as fashion accessories? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-12-01 2
141265 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-29 1086
141264 What is more important to care for mental or physical health? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-11-29 1538
141263 Can you think of a time when helping someone was not a good idea? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-29 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04