무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in some situations?

작성자: 정*영
2025-02-20 303

회원님의 영작문

I think that only people do the violence. It means that only people can kill the their neighbor, thire friend, themselves for reilgional,regional, sexual issues. Up-to-date, Russia and Ukraine have fighted for minor situation. As a result, many people be murdered by soldiers. When I saw the news related to the war, my mind is sad and pitty for the innocent people. Due to the some political or regligious reasons, innocent people around the world have to kill for the reasons. To conclude, preventing the violence can do the presidents around the world.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Gloria!     

You're doing a great job expressing your thoughts in English! I can see that you’re thinking deeply about the topic, which is really important. Writing about serious issues like violence and war is not easy, but you are able to share your opinions clearly. That’s already a big achievement!

To improve your writing, focus on organizing your ideas more smoothly. When you write, try to structure your answer in a way that makes it easier for the reader to follow. One way to do this is by making sure each sentence connects naturally to the next. Before you write, think about the main point you want to say, and then build your explanation step by step.

Also, pay attention to sentence structure. Sometimes, sentences can feel a bit long or confusing because of extra words or missing words. A good way to improve is to read your sentence out loud after writing it. If it sounds a little difficult to say, try breaking it into two shorter sentences or rewording it.

Another tip is to practice using different sentence types. Right now, your sentences mostly focus on stating facts and opinions. To make your writing more advanced, try adding examples or comparisons. For example, instead of just saying that violence is caused by political or religious reasons, you could explain how different countries experience it in different ways. This will make your answer more detailed and engaging.

Lastly, keep building your vocabulary! You already know a lot of words, but learning new ones will help you express your ideas even better. Try reading short articles or stories in English and paying attention to how sentences are written. If you see a word or phrase you don’t understand, look it up and try to use it in your own sentences.

You're making great progress! Your ability to share your thoughts is strong, and with more practice in organizing ideas, sentence structure, and vocabulary, your writing will improve even more. Keep going! You're doing really well!

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think that only people do the violence.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I believe that only people can do violence.

It means that only people can kill the their neighbor, thire friend, themselves for reilgional,regional, sexual issues.

>>It means that only people can kill their neighbor, their friend, or themselves over religious, regional, or sexual issues.

Up-to-date, Russia and Ukraine have fighted for minor situation.

>>Up to date, Russia and Ukraine have fought over minor situations.

As a result, many people be murdered by soldiers.

>>As a result, many people are murdered by soldiers.

When I saw the news related to the war, my mind is sad and pitty for the innocent people.

>>When I see news related to the war, my mind feels sad and pity for the innocent people.

Due to the some political or regligious reasons, innocent people around the world have to kill for the reasons.

>>Due to some political or religious reasons, innocent people around the world have to kill for those reasons.

To conclude, preventing the violence can do the presidents around the world.

>>To conclude, preventing violence is something presidents around the world can do.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140164 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-10-01 1113
140163 If you had an extra hour each day, what hobby would you spend it... 임*미 완료 2024-10-01 1037
140162 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-10-01 0
140161 Does music have the power to change your mood? How does music... 오*민 완료 2024-09-30 1359
140160 Is it more important to be liked or respected? Why? 김*순 완료 2024-09-30 1144
140159 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-09-30 1
140158 Should holidays be spread evenly throughout the year, or is it... 장*구 완료 2024-09-30 1112
140157 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-30 0
140156 Sep 27th homework 안*희 완료 2024-09-30 1309
140155 What are the advantages and disadvantages of solo travel? 신*규 완료 2024-09-30 1297
140154 What part of your day do you like best? 최*영 완료 2024-09-30 1
140153 What are the benefits of having hobbies? 이*희 완료 2024-09-30 1
140152 Q)What are the advantages of working for a small company? 최*영 완료 2024-09-30 1
140151 What are some annoying things that your friends do? How do you... 이*윤 완료 2024-09-30 1260
140150 homework 김*현 완료 2024-09-30 1180
140149 How would the world look if everyone had the same talents? 박*은 완료 2024-09-30 1488
140148 enjoy change or not_2 어*주 완료 2024-09-30 1
140147 enjoy change or not 어*주 완료 2024-09-30 2
140146 The difference of \'borrow\' and \'lend\' 김*민 완료 2024-09-30 1184
140145 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-09-30 1367

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]