¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

introduction of yourself

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2025-02-20 170

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I¡¯m Hyuna Lee and my English name is Isabelle.
When I sayed it, People asked me if I¡¯m christian.
because ¡®Isabelle¡¯ sounds like a baptismal name.
but I¡¯m not. I just liked it and decided to do it.

I'm 29 years old in Korea age.

I from south korea and I lived in ¡®Asan¡¯ my whole life.

I am currently working as a designer.
and my main job is developing patterns for tiles like wood or stone, texture design.
I¡¯m satisfied with my current job.
but I¡¯m also exploring other opportunities to work at a better company.
I aim to work for a company that will provide me with a stable finance and position.

My hobby is hiking.
There are a lot of mountains in my country, and I love going to them.
Being in the forest make me feel so peaceful and It¡¯s also fun to go with friends, have a picnic, and chat together.
I usually go to a mountain near my house.
and I try to go whenever I have free time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Isabelle!
Thank you for your hard work! ^^ Great job sharing about yourself! Just watch for word choices and sentence flow. Here are some refinements for clarity and natural phrasing.

"sayed" ¡æ "said" (past tense correction)
"People" ¡æ "people" (no capital letter needed)
"I from South Korea" ¡æ "I am from South Korea" (missing verb)
"in Korea age" ¡æ "in Korean age" (natural phrasing)
"developing patterns for tiles like wood or stone, texture design." ¡æ "developing tile patterns that resemble wood and stone." (more natural)
"Being in the forest make me feel" ¡æ "Being in the forest makes me feel" (subject-verb agreement)

Your content is great—these small tweaks will make it even smoother!

CONTENT:
I¡¯m Hyuna Lee and my English name is Isabelle.
- CORRECT.
When I sayed it, People asked me if I¡¯m christian.
because ¡®Isabelle¡¯ sounds like a baptismal name.
but I¡¯m not. 
- When I said it, people asked me if I¡¯m Christian
because ¡®Isabelle¡¯ sounds like a baptismal name,
but I¡¯m not. 
I just liked it and decided to do it.
-  I just liked it and decided to use it.

I'm 29 years old in Korea age.
- I'm 29 years old in Korean age.

I from south korea and I lived in ¡®Asan¡¯ my whole life.
- I am from South Korea, and I have lived in ¡®Asan¡¯ my whole life.

I am currently working as a designer. and my main job is developing patterns for tiles like wood or stone, texture design.
- I am currently working as a designer,
and my main job is developing patterns for tiles like wood and stone textures.
I¡¯m satisfied with my current job.
but I¡¯m also exploring other opportunities to work at a better company.
- I¡¯m satisfied with my current job,
but I¡¯m also exploring other opportunities to work at a better company.
I aim to work for a company that will provide me with a stable finance and position.
- CORRECT.

My hobby is hiking.
- CORRECT.
There are a lot of mountains in my country, and I love going to them.
- CORRECT.
Being in the forest make me feel so peaceful and It¡¯s also fun to go with friends, have a picnic, and chat together.
Being in the forest makes me feel so peaceful, and it¡¯s also fun to go with friends, have a picnic, and chat together.
I usually go to a mountain near my house.
and I try to go whenever I have free time.
- I usually go to a mountain near my house, and I try to go whenever I have free time.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141722 Provide at least five (5) adjectives that you can use to... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 670
141721 About dream Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 644
141720 Which do you prefer among these three to live in : an urban,... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 401
141719 December is almost over. What three adjectives best describe... ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 579
141718 What do you think of the drama trend in korea? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141717 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 647
141716 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 619
141715 goal ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141714 enjoy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141713 instrument ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141712 It\'s the Christmas season. Is it common in your family to give... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141711 Have you ever had a big fight with your sister? If not, what... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141710 If you are that person from the dialogue, will you charge your... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141709 What¡¯s your biggest hope or goal for the New Year? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 670
141708 HOMEWORK: How did you spend your New Year? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 6
141707 The movie which influenced me the most ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 609
141706 What¡¯s your favorite thing to do when you¡¯re together with... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141705 If you could switch jobs with someone for a day, who would it be... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 3
141704 Page 25 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-29 2
141703 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-29 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04