¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for February 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-19 473

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in some situations?

A : In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having. (P)
In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving. Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..
As we are descendents of them, we have a violence. (R)
Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone. (E)
So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eddy,

Your answer shows a strong effort in expressing your thoughts in English, and I can see that you are thinking deeply about the topic. It¡¯s great to see you trying to explain why violence happens by looking at human history and natural instincts. That¡¯s a very thoughtful perspective!

You are also doing well in organizing your ideas. I like how you explain that violence has existed since ancient times and how you connect it to modern situations. This shows that you are not just answering the question, but you are also thinking about the reasons behind it, which is very important in writing and discussion.

It¡¯s impressive that you are expressing complex ideas in English. Keep practicing, and you will get even better at explaining your thoughts clearly and smoothly. You're improving, and I can see that you're putting in the effort. Great job! Keep up the good work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, violence is a natural behavior that humans possess.

In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving.

>>In the past, humans had to use violence to survive.

Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..

>>Like war, hunting, and fighting to take beautiful women, etc.

As we are descendents of them, we have a violence.

>>As we are descendants of them, we have violence within us.

Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone.

>>Regardless of age, everyone uses violence when they want to defeat someone.

So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having.

>>So, violence can occur anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans have.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142698 proper outfit ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 0
142697 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 1
142696 Technology and culture ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 2
142695 Should schools teach controversial cultural issues? (Ex: Some... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 534
142694 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 403
142693 The homework for 24th February. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 503
142692 Describe a typical bedroom of a Korean student your age. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 477
142691 If there is one season that you want to be gone in your country,... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 4
142690 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 430
142689 Writing Exercise: How do you usually handle stress? Explain. È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 503
142688 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 517
142687 How do you adjust your routine when unexpected things happen? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 391
142686 Homework🙌🏻 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 488
142685 my first essay ¾ç*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 3
142684 2/21 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 1
142683 Which place is the best place to go to see the cherry blossoms ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 547
142682 What body language seems uncomfortable to you? Why? ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 0
142681 Work and life balance in academies ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 393
142680 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 520
142679 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 531

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04