¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for February 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-19 347

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in some situations?

A : In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having. (P)
In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving. Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..
As we are descendents of them, we have a violence. (R)
Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone. (E)
So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eddy,

Your answer shows a strong effort in expressing your thoughts in English, and I can see that you are thinking deeply about the topic. It¡¯s great to see you trying to explain why violence happens by looking at human history and natural instincts. That¡¯s a very thoughtful perspective!

You are also doing well in organizing your ideas. I like how you explain that violence has existed since ancient times and how you connect it to modern situations. This shows that you are not just answering the question, but you are also thinking about the reasons behind it, which is very important in writing and discussion.

It¡¯s impressive that you are expressing complex ideas in English. Keep practicing, and you will get even better at explaining your thoughts clearly and smoothly. You're improving, and I can see that you're putting in the effort. Great job! Keep up the good work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, the word "Violence" is a natural action that humans are having.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, violence is a natural behavior that humans possess.

In the past, The humans have to use violence for surviving.

>>In the past, humans had to use violence to survive.

Like war, hunting, fighting for taking beautiful womans etc..

>>Like war, hunting, and fighting to take beautiful women, etc.

As we are descendents of them, we have a violence.

>>As we are descendants of them, we have violence within us.

Regardless of the age, all peoples are using violence when they want to defeat someone.

>>Regardless of age, everyone uses violence when they want to defeat someone.

So, the violence can occur in anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans are having.

>>So, violence can occur anywhere and anytime because it is a natural action that humans have.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142780 Why people can\'t stop working though they are satisfied with... ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 3
142779 What would you do if you craved chicken in the middle of the... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 320
142778 What exercises do you think are not suitable for women? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 3
142777 homework Á¶*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 331
142776 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 348
142775 Do you think parties are fun even without alcohol? Why? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 247
142774 2025.02.27 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 333
142773 What i like to do on a sunny day. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 2
142772 What¡¯s the most unique food you¡¯ve tried? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 1
142771 2/26 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 1
142770 Talk about an unforgettable experience on a public... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 303
142769 What activities do you like to do on a sunny day? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 383
142768 [Home work] Do you like meeting new people? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 2
142767 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 350
142766 script Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 437
142765 script Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-27 330
142764 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-26 408
142763 How can workplaces benefit from having a multicultural team? ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-02-26 1
142762 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-26 0
142761 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-26 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04