¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for Fab 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-18 178

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : What are the biggest challenges facing each country¡¯s healthcare system today?

A : In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing. (P)
As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before. (R)
In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons. The Korea is also facing same problem. (E)
So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy,

It¡¯s really great to see that you¡¯re doing your homework again! I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, and I¡¯m especially happy because I just taught you the PREP method today, and you¡¯re already using it well! That¡¯s impressive!

You followed the structure perfectly, starting with your Point, giving a Reason, supporting it with an Example, and wrapping it up with another Point. This shows that you¡¯re thinking carefully about how to organize your ideas, and that¡¯s an important skill for writing clearly and effectively.

Your answer also brings up a very real and serious issue. The way you explained how aging populations affect healthcare systems makes your response both logical and meaningful. You even mentioned specific examples, like Japan and Korea, which makes your point even stronger!

I¡¯m really proud of your progress! You¡¯re improving step by step, and it¡¯s exciting to see your writing get better. Keep up this great effort, and I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll get even stronger in expressing your thoughts!

~Teacher Cathy

 

The homework of 17th Fab.

>>The homework of 17th Feb.

OR>>The homework for February 17th.

In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing.

>>In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countries are facing.

As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before.

>>As countries have better access to food, income, and wealth, people are living longer than before.

In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons.

>>In Japan, I heard that more than 20% of the population is elderly.

The Korea is also facing same problem.

>>Korea is also facing the same problem.

So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on.

>>So, most countries' healthcare systems are facing issues like mercy killing and the need for more nursing homes, among others.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141990 Train ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 1
141989 Is there any movie that you saw that you didn\'t like at all? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 368
141988 What first inspired your passion for playing the violin? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 562
141987 What qualities do you admire most in your son? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 406
141986 What is a happy memory from your childhood with your family? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2
141985 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 489
141984 smartphone and social interaction . ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 511
141983 Homework 7 ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 518
141982 stupid ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 429
141981 1/14 homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2
141980 [Homework] what are the instances that you wouldn\'t allow your... ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 0
141979 08Jan2025_Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 481
141978 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 501
141977 13Jan2025_Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 682
141976 Activities in Bohol ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 452
141975 How often do you go for health check-ups? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 5
141974 I\'don\'t agree the opinion. ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 454
141973 What¡¯s the best thing about Florida in your opinion? ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 501
141972 What is your opinion on being unemployed? ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 579
141971 Beach ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-15 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04