¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for Fab 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-18 174

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : What are the biggest challenges facing each country¡¯s healthcare system today?

A : In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing. (P)
As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before. (R)
In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons. The Korea is also facing same problem. (E)
So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy,

It¡¯s really great to see that you¡¯re doing your homework again! I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, and I¡¯m especially happy because I just taught you the PREP method today, and you¡¯re already using it well! That¡¯s impressive!

You followed the structure perfectly, starting with your Point, giving a Reason, supporting it with an Example, and wrapping it up with another Point. This shows that you¡¯re thinking carefully about how to organize your ideas, and that¡¯s an important skill for writing clearly and effectively.

Your answer also brings up a very real and serious issue. The way you explained how aging populations affect healthcare systems makes your response both logical and meaningful. You even mentioned specific examples, like Japan and Korea, which makes your point even stronger!

I¡¯m really proud of your progress! You¡¯re improving step by step, and it¡¯s exciting to see your writing get better. Keep up this great effort, and I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll get even stronger in expressing your thoughts!

~Teacher Cathy

 

The homework of 17th Fab.

>>The homework of 17th Feb.

OR>>The homework for February 17th.

In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing.

>>In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countries are facing.

As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before.

>>As countries have better access to food, income, and wealth, people are living longer than before.

In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons.

>>In Japan, I heard that more than 20% of the population is elderly.

The Korea is also facing same problem.

>>Korea is also facing the same problem.

So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on.

>>So, most countries' healthcare systems are facing issues like mercy killing and the need for more nursing homes, among others.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142067 4 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 344
142066 20 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 293
142065 What are your thoughts on kids staying on the phone for so long... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 381
142064 The brake pedal malfunctioned on the frozen road ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 234
142063 war ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1
142062 beats me. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 2
142061 statue ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 1
142060 In your opinion, what is the most effective way to lose weight? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 277
142059 What types of diets have you heard of? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 306
142058 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 352
142057 Is there anything that helps you feel better when you\'re... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 407
142056 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 444
142055 culinary trend ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 589
142054 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 335
142053 1/17 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 370
142052 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 375
142051 Page 5 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-20 0
142050 What¡¯s the worst way to spend a weekend? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-19 320
142049 Have you ever tried alternative medicine, like acupuncture or... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-19 3
142048 What\'s your favorite story book? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-19 478

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04