¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for Fab 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-18 357

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : What are the biggest challenges facing each country¡¯s healthcare system today?

A : In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing. (P)
As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before. (R)
In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons. The Korea is also facing same problem. (E)
So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy,

It¡¯s really great to see that you¡¯re doing your homework again! I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, and I¡¯m especially happy because I just taught you the PREP method today, and you¡¯re already using it well! That¡¯s impressive!

You followed the structure perfectly, starting with your Point, giving a Reason, supporting it with an Example, and wrapping it up with another Point. This shows that you¡¯re thinking carefully about how to organize your ideas, and that¡¯s an important skill for writing clearly and effectively.

Your answer also brings up a very real and serious issue. The way you explained how aging populations affect healthcare systems makes your response both logical and meaningful. You even mentioned specific examples, like Japan and Korea, which makes your point even stronger!

I¡¯m really proud of your progress! You¡¯re improving step by step, and it¡¯s exciting to see your writing get better. Keep up this great effort, and I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll get even stronger in expressing your thoughts!

~Teacher Cathy

 

The homework of 17th Fab.

>>The homework of 17th Feb.

OR>>The homework for February 17th.

In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing.

>>In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countries are facing.

As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before.

>>As countries have better access to food, income, and wealth, people are living longer than before.

In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons.

>>In Japan, I heard that more than 20% of the population is elderly.

The Korea is also facing same problem.

>>Korea is also facing the same problem.

So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on.

>>So, most countries' healthcare systems are facing issues like mercy killing and the need for more nursing homes, among others.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139695 Q) Do new inventions always create new problems? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 4
139694 Do you think pasta is better than other staple foods like rice,... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 1529
139693 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 6
139692 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 0
139691 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 2287
139690 homesick ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 1
139689 A social experiment ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 2044
139688 The best way to learn ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 7
139687 If I could one were one color for the rest of my life? ÀÌ*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 1440
139686 What is the biggest change this world needs? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 2064
139685 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 2
139684 homework ¹®*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 0
139683 If you could plan a dream trip to any place in the world right... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 1434
139682 What kind of facilities or features do you think should be in... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 1667
139681 Treat sick workers ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 1461
139680 Do you think holidays are important? Why? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 0
139679 The positive side of \"Is a college education worth it?\" ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1218
139678 homework ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1
139677 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1546
139676 When should people avoid making promises? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04