¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for Fab 17th.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-02-18 117

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : What are the biggest challenges facing each country¡¯s healthcare system today?

A : In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing. (P)
As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before. (R)
In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons. The Korea is also facing same problem. (E)
So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on. (P)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy,

It¡¯s really great to see that you¡¯re doing your homework again! I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, and I¡¯m especially happy because I just taught you the PREP method today, and you¡¯re already using it well! That¡¯s impressive!

You followed the structure perfectly, starting with your Point, giving a Reason, supporting it with an Example, and wrapping it up with another Point. This shows that you¡¯re thinking carefully about how to organize your ideas, and that¡¯s an important skill for writing clearly and effectively.

Your answer also brings up a very real and serious issue. The way you explained how aging populations affect healthcare systems makes your response both logical and meaningful. You even mentioned specific examples, like Japan and Korea, which makes your point even stronger!

I¡¯m really proud of your progress! You¡¯re improving step by step, and it¡¯s exciting to see your writing get better. Keep up this great effort, and I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll get even stronger in expressing your thoughts!

~Teacher Cathy

 

The homework of 17th Fab.

>>The homework of 17th Feb.

OR>>The homework for February 17th.

In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countrys are facing.

>>In my view, aging is the biggest challenge that most developed countries are facing.

As countrys are getting better food, income, wealth etc.. peoples are living longer than before.

>>As countries have better access to food, income, and wealth, people are living longer than before.

In Japan, i heard more than 20% of peoples are aging persons.

>>In Japan, I heard that more than 20% of the population is elderly.

The Korea is also facing same problem.

>>Korea is also facing the same problem.

So, most country`s healthcare system is facing the problems like Mercy Killing or making more Nursing Home and so on.

>>So, most countries' healthcare systems are facing issues like mercy killing and the need for more nursing homes, among others.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142647 If you were to buy an older iPhone today, which model would you... N À±*¿ø ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-21 0
142646 Meeting new people N ±è*ÀÎ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-21 2
142645 homework ±è*¿¬ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-20 2
142644 Is getting a divorce a wise decision? ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 102
142643 homework ±è*¿ì ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-20 0
142642 How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in... Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 100
142641 The homework for February 19th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 101
142640 Why do you think body language is important? ÇÑ*¿¬ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-20 100
142639 The five ways to protect our bodies, especially washing hands ±è*¿ì ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-20 0
142638 What is your favorite shop in your neighborhood, and why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142637 At night~ Á¤*Èñ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-20 99
142636 2025.02.20 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-20 102
142635 If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world for free,... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142634 Homework🥰 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 105
142633 introduction of yourself ÀÌ*¾Æ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-02-20 104
142632 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 100
142631 How important is patience for a violin class leader? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 102
142630 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 104
142629 young fashion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 0
142628 hurt ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04