무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Is mental illness still a taboo in your society? What can be done to encourage people to willingly s

작성자: 문*현
2025-02-15 276

회원님의 영작문

Many Koreans regard mental illness as a disorder. This misconception applies to common ones such as ADHD and depression. Therefore, many people avoid seeking treatment. As a result, mental illness ends up in extreme results such as suicide or murder. This misconception is due to two reasons. The first reason is the influence from Confucianism that views mental health as a sign of fragility, hence bringing shame upon the family. Secondly, there is collectivism culture. Mental illness regarded as a sign of inability to cope as group which led to societal isolation and criticism within a group. To solve the issue, I believe mental therapies must be done privately without leaving a record. Mental treatment record can be easily retrieved by others when requested. For example, many opt out of therapies from fear that their employer can navigate it. Some people might abuse when medical records become anonymous. Still, I believe Korea should start by making people openly take treatments.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel! Enjoy your weekend!

Many Koreans regard mental illness as a disorder. 
>>> correct  
This misconception applies to common ones such as ADHD and depression. 
>>> correct  
>>> OR: This misconception also includes common ones such as ADHD and depression.   
Therefore, many people avoid seeking treatment. 
>>> correct  
As a result, mental illness ends up in extreme results such as suicide or murder. 
>>>  correct  
>>> OR: As a result, mental illness results to severe ramifications such as suicide or murder.   
This misconception is due to two reasons. 
>>> correct    
The first reason is the influence from Confucianism that views mental health as a sign of fragility, hence bringing shame upon the family. 
>>> correct   
Secondly, there is collectivism culture. 
>>> correct   
>>> OR: Second is the existence of a collectivism culture. 
Mental illness regarded as a sign of inability to cope as group which led to societal isolation and criticism within a group. 
>>>   Mental illness is regarded as a sign of inability to cope as a group which led to societal isolation and criticism within a group. 
To solve the issue, I believe mental therapies must be done privately without leaving a record. 
>>> correct
>>> OR: To solve the issue, I believe mental therapies must be done privately and with strict confidentiality.   
Mental treatment record can be easily retrieved by others when requested. 
>>>  correct 
For example, many opt out of therapies from fear that their employer can navigate it. 
>>>  OR: For example, many opt out of therapies from fear that their employer can investigate it.  
Some people might abuse when medical records become anonymous. 
>>> Some people might take advantage of it when medical records become anonymous.   
Still, I believe Korea should start by making people openly take treatments.
>>>  correct  
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140797 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-11-04 1
140796 What do you enjoy most about your job? 오*영 완료 2024-11-04 981
140795 What’s the best place to eat in your city? 신*규 완료 2024-11-04 936
140794 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-11-04 1267
140793 Should beauty standards include people of all shapes, sizes, and... 이*희 완료 2024-11-04 1
140792 Good evening 민*정 완료 2024-11-04 1
140791 lunch box 민*정 완료 2024-11-04 1
140790 What would a perfect day look like for you? 박*은 완료 2024-11-04 1033
140789 Homework 장*영 완료 2024-11-04 1122
140788 What makes an actor/actress talented for you? 이*태 완료 2024-11-04 902
140787 Describe a time when you experienced exceptional customer... 이*태 완료 2024-11-04 896
140786 What do you think of celebrity endorsements? 이*윤 완료 2024-11-04 830
140785 What qualities do you value most in a friend, and why? 이*태 완료 2024-11-04 894
140784 What does it mean to be a lively person? 이*태 완료 2024-11-04 835
140783 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-11-04 1223
140782 If the minimum wage is increased, companies may use more robots... 안*윤 완료 2024-11-04 871
140781 Do you think it’s possible to live a life without ever breaking... 임*미 완료 2024-11-04 891
140780 What is your favorite dish to eat at a buffet? 임*실 완료 2024-11-04 2383
140779 What do you usually eat for breakfast? Do you prepare it... 임*실 완료 2024-11-04 871
140778 Would you rather fly in economy class or first class? Why? 임*실 완료 2024-11-04 991

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]