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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Homework3

작성자: 김*
2025-02-12 365

회원님의 영작문

My last time was in my middle school graduation ceremony. I was with school orchestra club. The thing was our orchestra club level wasn't that much high before join a new conductor. After joined him, our level was getting much higher than before. Our orchestra club never play during shcool graduation ceremony before. But we made it. We got the chance of play during the ceremony when I graduate. During ceremony, there are some customs of graduation ceremony which is all people sing our shcool song and nation anthem at the beginning of ceremony. All the student, teacher, parents gathered at a hall. We played all the songs that are part of graduation ceremony. even we played the songs that we prepared for the special. After finishing our songs, all people stood up and clapped. It was such an impressive moment. Actually I didn't really like to play clarinet. But I love my expriences with the orchesta. Everyone worked hard to prepared for a moment, it's wonderful to make the harmonic sound.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Geon^^
Thank you for sharing.
It seems like you were forced to do it at first, but in the end you got an awesome experience from it which is worth it. You have a memory and experience that no one can take away from you. 
_T. SHAY^^
***
My last time was in my middle school graduation ceremony.
>>The last time I played was during my middle school graduation ceremony.
I was with school orchestra club.
>>I was with the school orchestra club.
The thing was our orchestra club level wasn't that much high before join a new conductor.
>>The thing was our orchestra club level wasn't that high before a new conductor joined.
After joined him, our level was getting much higher than before.
>>After he joined, our level got much higher than before.
Our orchestra club never play during school graduation ceremony before.
>>Our orchestra club never played during the school graduation ceremony before.
But we made it.
>>Correct
OR: But during that time we did.
We got the chance of play during the ceremony when I graduate.
>>We got the chance of performing during the ceremony when I graduated.
During ceremony, there are some customs of graduation ceremony which is all people sing our shcool song and nation anthem at the beginning of ceremony.
>>There are some graduation ceremony customs where all people sing our school song and national anthem at the beginning of the ceremony.
All the student, teacher, parents gathered at a hall.
>>All the students, teachers, and parents gathered at a hall.
We played all the songs that are part of graduation ceremony.
>>We played all the songs that are part of the graduation ceremony.
even we played the songs that we prepared for the special.
>>We even played prepared special songs that we prepared.
After finishing our songs, all people stood up and clapped.
>>Correct
OR: After performing, all people stood up and applauded us.
It was such an impressive moment.
>>Correct
OR: It was such a terrific moment.
Actually I didn't really like to play clarinet.
>>Actually, I didn't really like to play the clarinet.
But I love my expriences with the orchesta.
>>t I love my experiences with the orchestra.
Everyone worked hard to prepared for a moment, it's wonderful to make the harmonic sound.
>>Everyone worked hard to prepared for that moment; it's wonderful to make the harmonic sound.
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