¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2025-02-09 284

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it¡¯s bad for them. Why? What are the most effective ways to improve people¡¯s eating habits?

The reason why many people eat food while it is not healthy is because it tastes good. Taste is quite an important factor in one's choices.
Eating food is a desire and a person lives for this.
It is natural that we strive for something good for our health, but we need to improve the quality of taste for more direct efficiency.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee! Thanks for doing your homework! Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively presents your argument. You¡¯ve shown strong analytical skills and made good connections between ideas. While your essay is well-developed, you could strengthen the clarity of your argument by incorporating more specific examples in the second paragraph. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why many people eat food while it is not healthy is because it tastes good. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Taste is quite an important factor in one's choices.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Eating food is a desire and a person lives for this.
>>> Eating is a basic desire, and it is something that sustains life.
It is natural that we strive for something good for our health, but we need to improve the quality of taste for more direct efficiency.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141321 When was the last time you felt proud of yourself? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 636
141320 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 796
141319 02Dec2024_Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 825
141318 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 667
141317 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 690
141316 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 830
141315 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 767
141314 If your life were made into a movie, who would play you? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 1096
141313 avoid visiting tourists traps ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 939
141312 Where do you think is the best retirement place in your country? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 3
141311 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-04 0
141310 homework ½Å*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 885
141309 What are your thoughts on the bus stations of your country? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 1042
141308 How does a young boy like you take care of your skin? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 872
141307 Which is more effective in expressing how you feel: Words or... Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 3
141306 Would you rather be a leader or a follower? Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 2
141305 What do you usually order in your favorite restaurant? Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 2
141304 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 683
141303 Are there any patterns you avoid wearing? Why? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 1013
141302 Homework ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-03 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04