¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2025-02-09 480

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it¡¯s bad for them. Why? What are the most effective ways to improve people¡¯s eating habits?

The reason why many people eat food while it is not healthy is because it tastes good. Taste is quite an important factor in one's choices.
Eating food is a desire and a person lives for this.
It is natural that we strive for something good for our health, but we need to improve the quality of taste for more direct efficiency.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee! Thanks for doing your homework! Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively presents your argument. You¡¯ve shown strong analytical skills and made good connections between ideas. While your essay is well-developed, you could strengthen the clarity of your argument by incorporating more specific examples in the second paragraph. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why many people eat food while it is not healthy is because it tastes good. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Taste is quite an important factor in one's choices.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Eating food is a desire and a person lives for this.
>>> Eating is a basic desire, and it is something that sustains life.
It is natural that we strive for something good for our health, but we need to improve the quality of taste for more direct efficiency.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139115 Can you tell me more about why you don\'t like the president? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 0
139114 Agust 9th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1040
139113 Do you think today¡¯s actors are better than those from 30, 40,... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 2608
139112 Would you rather have the perfect body or be super intelligent? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1356
139111 2023.08.12 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1221
139110 What are your methods for avoiding errors? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1191
139109 Opinions ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1117
139108 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1190
139107 8/12(Mon) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1227
139106 What is a habit that you learned from a family member or friend? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1244
139105 If you could create your own street food, what would it be? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1276
139104 homework ½Å*Á¾ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1710
139103 To avoid getting sick ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 2049
139102 HOMEWORK FOR 08.12.2024 WRITING TASK: How do you want to change... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 4
139101 At what age were you the happiest as a child? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1316
139100 H.W À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1
139099 8/12 writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 4
139098 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-12 1239
139097 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-11 1
139096 Homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-11 8

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04