무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is the best benefit for an employee? Why?

작성자: 이*윤
2025-02-08 418

회원님의 영작문



Please, check the attached file.
Have nice a weekend!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Yun, 

Thank you for submitting your answer. 
I'm glad that the benefits to employees in your country have improved a lot. 
I think these days, those benefits that promote the well-being of employees have the same importance as salaries. 
I hope more and better benefits will be given to employees around the world. ^^

~ Teacher Gina


Well, it seems to depend on the times and the situation and people's thoughts.
>> Well, it seems to depend on the times and the situation and people's thoughts.

At first, many Koreans thought it was the best benefit to be paid a lot of money based on own performance. 
>> At first, many Koreans thought it was the best benefit to be paid a lot of money based on their own performance. 

It reflected the idea that getting a lot of money is a good thing.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: This reflected the belief that earning a substantial income is desirable.

But Korean's thoughts have changed over time.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: However, Koreans' perspectives have shifted over time.

They put more importance on their own time and learning than money.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Greater value is now placed on personal time and growth rather than money.

That's why there are benefits that give long-term working employees good conditions and give them free health check-ups for their health. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: This is why benefits like favorable conditions for long-term employees and free health check-ups are provided.

I think it's a good attempt to be able to take care of employees and prevent mental problems through a change of feeling.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: I believe it’s a positive effort to support employees and address mental health issues by improving their well-being.

There are also benefits for families with young children or employees with families in need of care. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Benefits also extend to families with young children or those needing caregiving support.

Examples include providing free commuting time to give them an opportunity to care, providing them with the opportunity to return home immediately when something urgent happens at home, and providing consideration for vacation.
>> Examples include providing free commuting time to give them an opportunity to take care of their family, providing them with the opportunity to return home immediately when something urgent happens at home, and providing consideration for vacation.

In addition, the low birth rate is a problem in Korea, so the benefits on which it is based are also emerging. 
>> In addition, the low birth rate is a problem in Korea, so the benefits on which it is related to are also emerging. 

It also gives hospital opportunities to couples who are considerate of pregnant women and want to have children.
>> It also gives hospital opportunities to couples who are considering to get pregnant or have children.

In the short-term, I think it will make employees more faithful to their company and create opportunities to focus on their work. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: I think, in the short term, it will encourage employees to be more dedicated to their company and allow them to focus more on their tasks.

In the long-term, I think it is a good benefit because there may be parts that contribute to society and the country.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Over time, I think it’s a beneficial initiative, potentially supporting societal and national development.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
139852 Homework 노*철 진행중 2024-09-11 1613
139851 Homework^*^ 최*연 완료 2024-09-11 1462
139850 Sadness 이*규 완료 2024-09-11 1341
139849 What drink do you often have but best avoided? 김*린 완료 2024-09-11 1569
139848 Do you think you can teach someone to be successful? 이*윤 완료 2024-09-11 1215
139847 Can you describe an autumn day? 도*경 완료 2024-09-11 1610
139846 homework. 심*진 완료 2024-09-11 2
139845 Visit doctor 양*연 완료 2024-09-11 1496
139844 What small successes do you have every day? 김*연 완료 2024-09-11 1197
139843 Homework 안*진 완료 2024-09-10 2
139842 The negative side of \"Are Social networking sites good for our... 손*희 완료 2024-09-10 1193
139841 Homework 오*현 완료 2024-09-10 1281
139840 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-09-10 0
139839 homework 이*도 완료 2024-09-10 1501
139838 9.Sep.2024 김*정 완료 2024-09-10 2
139837 Describe your ideal garden. 차*혁 완료 2024-09-10 1331
139836 10.Sep.2024 김*정 완료 2024-09-10 2
139835 What are your thoughts don\'t the air quality in your country? 차*진 완료 2024-09-10 1927
139834 H/W 오*영 완료 2024-09-10 1582
139833 What do you like to do with your friends? 최*현 완료 2024-09-10 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]