¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

\"Importance of Rest and Balance in a Busy Life¡°

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-02-01 640

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important.
If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car.
Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do.
I need management in my life to have rest and balance.
Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities.
Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

David, your writing presents a great reflection on balance and self-care. Your points are strong, and your message is meaningful. Keep up the great work in expressing your thoughts.


~ T. Lia


For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important.
>> CORRECT


If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car.
>> If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both the driver and the car.


Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do.
>> Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and helps me work more efficiently on what I do.


I need management in my life to have rest and balance.
>> I need to manage my life to have rest and balance.


Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities.
>> Just as the boss reduces non-critical departments in the company and expands more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in myself for more important activities.


Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.
>> Investment in myself includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthily for a long time.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136497 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1608
136496 Dance ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1114
136495 What kind of tourist attractions do you usually like to visit;... ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 2
136494 Homework Á¶*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1769
136493 holiday ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1650
136492 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1
136491 What do you like most about living in Korea? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1370
136490 Did you fo through training in your workplace? How was it like? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 4
136489 Would you like to have a set of jewelry with your birthstone in... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1145
136488 2024.04.16 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1350
136487 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 3
136486 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1162
136485 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1906
136484 I think there is no end to learning, and the continuation of... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 2161
136483 Every day of the week requires a proper rest. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1515
136482 The closest person I respect is my family. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 1883
136481 What are some important things to consider when planning a trip... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 2
136480 How do weekends make you feel? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 0
136479 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 2236
136478 Is it important for a country to have zoos? Why or why not? ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-17 2338

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04