¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

\"Importance of Rest and Balance in a Busy Life¡°

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-02-01 216

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important.
If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car.
Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do.
I need management in my life to have rest and balance.
Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities.
Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

David, your writing presents a great reflection on balance and self-care. Your points are strong, and your message is meaningful. Keep up the great work in expressing your thoughts.


~ T. Lia


For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important.
>> CORRECT


If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car.
>> If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both the driver and the car.


Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do.
>> Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and helps me work more efficiently on what I do.


I need management in my life to have rest and balance.
>> I need to manage my life to have rest and balance.


Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities.
>> Just as the boss reduces non-critical departments in the company and expands more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in myself for more important activities.


Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.
>> Investment in myself includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthily for a long time.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140387 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-13 1158
140386 11oct2024_homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-13 1356
140385 Homework ¾È*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-13 1113
140384 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-12 1103
140383 Pick one food to represent you. Why did you choose it? ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-12 1253
140382 my opinion about \"Dislike\" button Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-12 6
140381 personal information ways Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-12 9
140380 regret ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-12 1250
140379 Do you enjoy visiting museums or galleries to see art pieces in... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 0
140378 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 990
140377 How do you balance rest and productivity in your daily routine? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1200
140376 >> What are your thoughts on YouTubers or influencers who focus... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 2
140375 What does the concept of \"winning\" mean to you? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1
140374 Scary things ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1118
140373 september.27 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1231
140372 October,11 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1052
140371 If you could redesign school, what would it look like? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1138
140370 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1336
140369 What would you do if you received the wrong order? Àå*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1017
140368 Do you agree or disagree that history can stir emotions tied to... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-11 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04