¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you define possibilities in your life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-12-04 385

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the possibility of my life is depending on my will.
Because my second life will be started from the wedding march.
I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I want to support my boyfriend to pay the things that related to wedding.
Having some communication with my boyfriend made me stronger than alone.
We have promised that each other have to support and trust the things we do.
To increse my potential, I continually do the my work to growp my self.
Thanks for reading my essay.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gloria,

You did a great job with your essay! It's clear that you're thinking deeply about your future and the important steps you're taking toward your goals. I really admire how you're planning to get a new job before the wedding and supporting your boyfriend, this shows maturity and teamwork. You¡¯re absolutely right that your life¡¯s possibilities depend on your will and determination. You¡¯re already showing that you¡¯re strong and capable of achieving great things. You¡¯re so smart, and I can tell that you have the mindset to make your dreams a reality. Keep believing in yourself, because you can achieve anything you desire. Your hard work and commitment will pay off. Keep up the great work, you're on an amazing journey!

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think that the possibility of my life is depending on my will.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I think that the possibilities in my life depend on my will.

Because my second life will be started from the wedding march.

>>Because I will begin a new life when the wedding march plays.

I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I want to support my boyfriend to pay the things that related to wedding.

>>I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I can help my boyfriend pay for the wedding-related expenses.

Having some communication with my boyfriend made me stronger than alone.

>>Having communication with my boyfriend made me feel stronger than being alone.

We have promised that each other have to support and trust the things we do.

>>We promised to support and trust each other in everything we do.

To increse my potential, I continually do the my work to growp my self.

>>To increase my potential, I continually do my work to grow myself.

Thanks for reading my essay.

>>CORRECT

OR>>Thank you for reading my essay.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140761 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-02 719
140760 Homework À±*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-02 862
140759 How can you be more mindful of your phone usage? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 830
140758 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 828
140757 How much time do you spend outdoors every week? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 798
140756 Do you believe that external validation is necessary for... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 840
140755 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 853
140754 Describe what your ideal weekend looks like. ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 835
140753 day 2, Homework 2024 year October 30 day ±è*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 895
140752 day 1, Homework 2024 year October 29day ±è*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 1137
140751 What¡¯s the best place to eat in your city? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 3
140750 Do you often forget an appointment? How will you manage... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 1
140749 Do you agree that all skilled workers are professionals? Why,... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 1
140748 What is a law or rule in your country that you think should be... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 847
140747 How did you overcome hour sleep paralysis? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-01 1
140746 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-31 1
140745 Homework ¾ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-31 810
140744 What\'s the best thing about your childhood?Explain. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-31 716
140743 Would you have a part-time job in the future to get extra money... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-31 893
140742 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-31 849

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04