¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you define possibilities in your life?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿µ
2024-12-04 177

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the possibility of my life is depending on my will.
Because my second life will be started from the wedding march.
I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I want to support my boyfriend to pay the things that related to wedding.
Having some communication with my boyfriend made me stronger than alone.
We have promised that each other have to support and trust the things we do.
To increse my potential, I continually do the my work to growp my self.
Thanks for reading my essay.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Gloria,

You did a great job with your essay! It's clear that you're thinking deeply about your future and the important steps you're taking toward your goals. I really admire how you're planning to get a new job before the wedding and supporting your boyfriend, this shows maturity and teamwork. You¡¯re absolutely right that your life¡¯s possibilities depend on your will and determination. You¡¯re already showing that you¡¯re strong and capable of achieving great things. You¡¯re so smart, and I can tell that you have the mindset to make your dreams a reality. Keep believing in yourself, because you can achieve anything you desire. Your hard work and commitment will pay off. Keep up the great work, you're on an amazing journey!

~Teacher Cathy

 

I think that the possibility of my life is depending on my will.

>>CORRECT

OR>>I think that the possibilities in my life depend on my will.

Because my second life will be started from the wedding march.

>>Because I will begin a new life when the wedding march plays.

I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I want to support my boyfriend to pay the things that related to wedding.

>>I would like to get a new job before the wedding so I can help my boyfriend pay for the wedding-related expenses.

Having some communication with my boyfriend made me stronger than alone.

>>Having communication with my boyfriend made me feel stronger than being alone.

We have promised that each other have to support and trust the things we do.

>>We promised to support and trust each other in everything we do.

To increse my potential, I continually do the my work to growp my self.

>>To increase my potential, I continually do my work to grow myself.

Thanks for reading my essay.

>>CORRECT

OR>>Thank you for reading my essay.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141109 Is academic success important in your country? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 355
141108 What does \"don\'t judge a book by its cover\" mean? Do you... ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 310
141107 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 331
141106 Do you think having a brand and expensive clothes are better... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 352
141105 HOOMEWORK ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 326
141104 What was the most impressive thing you\'ve ever done. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 254
141103 What is something that always makes you laugh? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 3
141102 Do you prefer working alone or with a team? Why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 1
141101 How does one¡¯s family life affect his relations with others? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 354
141100 Yes!! ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 412
141099 Have you ever violated any rules? How did it feel? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 370
141098 Do you think job satisfaction is more important than salary when... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 2
141097 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 398
141096 Do you have a favorite person you enjoy calling regularly? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-21 459
141095 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 328
141094 What cheers you up when you are sad? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 384
141093 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 322
141092 If you could lean a secret talent¡¦? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 262
141091 How often do you go shopping for clothes? Do you buy new clothes... Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 6
141090 What is the best way to deal with feelings of anger? ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-11-20 221

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04