무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 한*진
2024-11-27 160

회원님의 영작문



.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

 Good morning YU JIN!
I was genuinely impressed by your essays. Once again, you’ve showcased a deep understanding of the key issues and theories. Your explanations were both clear and insightful, and you effectively covered the major points on consequentialism and deontology. Keep up the great work!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Q people’s spending a lot of money on beauty care
C’ self promotion is important in modern era 
C people’s bias about appearance
E psychological instability
S government’s introducing counseling program

It is widely known that people’s spending a lot of money on beauty care is a common phenomenon. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Some people think that one of the causes is that self-promotion is important in modern era. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
However, in my opinion, the major cause of the issue is people’s bias about appearance, therefore it is required for governments to introduce counseling program, considering psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It can be said that governments’ introducing counseling program is not a selection but a necessity in the aspect that people can be exposed to psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
One of the causes related to the issue is people’s bias about appearance.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Even though there are other factors for it, nothing is more fundamental factor than prejudice of people’s look.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> Although there are other contributing factors, nothing is more fundamental than people's prejudice based on appearance.
 According to Korean Times, one of the most renowned papers in Korea, 85.2% of high school students, who have done make-up for over a year, attributed the reason to people’s wrong perspectives about appearance.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 It shows how strongly people’s bias of look affects people’s consumption on beauty care in a negative way.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
When it comes to the effect, governments’ introducing counseling program can make it possible for themselves to psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 Despite the fact that people’s spending a lot of money on beauty care is not the only effect for it, it is the most fatal case to spoil that can bring about psychological instability. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Let’s take ‘Happy Together’, a counseling program by Daejeon Counseling Center in Korea, to show how people’s consumption for beauty care affects psychological instability as an example. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The center has contributed to finding out the relationship between people’s consumption for beauty care and psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
 As a result, it was found that the more people spend a lot of money on beauty care, the more psychological instability could become. 
>>> As a result, it was found that the more people spend on beauty care, the greater the potential for psychological instability.
As we can see in the example, people’s consumption on beauty care can have a negative effect on psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Hence, there is no doubt that governments should make a priority to introduce counseling program.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In conclusion, people’s bias about appearance can be considered the major cause of the issue, and thus governments should not hesitate to introduce counseling program, given people can moan under psychological instability.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> In conclusion, people's bias toward appearance can be seen as the primary cause of the issue. Therefore, governments should not hesitate to implement counseling programs, as many individuals may suffer from psychological instability.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140165 30sep2024 김*라 완료 2024-10-01 683
140164 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-10-01 557
140163 If you had an extra hour each day, what hobby would you spend it... 임*미 완료 2024-10-01 553
140162 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-10-01 0
140161 Does music have the power to change your mood? How does music... 오*민 완료 2024-09-30 505
140160 Is it more important to be liked or respected? Why? 김*순 완료 2024-09-30 645
140159 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-09-30 1
140158 Should holidays be spread evenly throughout the year, or is it... 장*구 완료 2024-09-30 438
140157 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-30 0
140156 Sep 27th homework 안*희 완료 2024-09-30 818
140155 What are the advantages and disadvantages of solo travel? 신*규 완료 2024-09-30 509
140154 What part of your day do you like best? 최*영 완료 2024-09-30 1
140153 What are the benefits of having hobbies? 이*희 완료 2024-09-30 1
140152 Q)What are the advantages of working for a small company? 최*영 완료 2024-09-30 1
140151 What are some annoying things that your friends do? How do you... 이*윤 완료 2024-09-30 596
140150 homework 김*현 완료 2024-09-30 643
140149 How would the world look if everyone had the same talents? 박*은 완료 2024-09-30 866
140148 enjoy change or not_2 어*주 완료 2024-09-30 1
140147 enjoy change or not 어*주 완료 2024-09-30 2
140146 The difference of \'borrow\' and \'lend\' 김*민 완료 2024-09-30 429

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]