¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People admire the life of influencers at social media\'s feed.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çü
2024-11-27 577

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In Korea, the beauty care industry is growing a few years. Especially, men start focusing on the beauty care like skin care, fashion, diet and so on. There are many reason that first of all, Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers. Second, many people watch on the social media feed like Facebook, Instagram and LinkIn etc. They look nice and beauty people's photo and making their life. It is not true life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for your thoughtful essay MS. Ella! You¡¯ve done an excellent job of exploring the dispute and its surrounding events. Keep up the fantastic work! By the way, please don't forget to change your class time for tomorrow so we can talk. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In Korea, the beauty care industry is growing a few years.
>>> In Korea,  the beauty care industry has been growing in recent years.
Especially, men start focusing on the beauty care like skin care, fashion, diet and so on.
>>>CORRECT~!^^
 There are many reason that first of all, Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers.
>>> There are several reasons for this. Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers.
Second, many people watch on the social media feed like Facebook, Instagram and LinkIn etc. 
>>> Secondly, many people follow social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and others.
They look nice and beauty people's photo and making their life. It is not true life.
>>> They see photos of attractive people on social media and compare them to their own lives, which often doesn't reflect reality."
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141018 Dolphinsdoll ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-11-17 572
141017 When do you prefer having a family gathering? ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-11-17 677
141016 the bood and the movie ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-17 0
141015 To teacher ±è*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2024-11-17 667
141014 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-16 663
141013 WRITING TASK ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-11-16 1
141012 HOOMEWORK ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-16 635
141011 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 744
141010 What does \"don\'t judge a book by its cover\" mean? Do you... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 826
141009 What would you say if you could talk to your future self? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 597
141008 11/14(Thu) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 894
141007 11/15(Fri) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 669
141006 Home work for wednesday ( 13th Novemder ) ±è*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 690
141005 >> Should people of all ages play games? Explain. ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 4
141004 What makes someone a good friend? ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 611
141003 Does age make you more aware of and caring for others? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 625
141002 What¡¯s the best way to study for exams? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 666
141001 HOOMEWORK ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 669
141000 What do you think is the most difficult job in the world and why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 3
140999 What¡¯s the most challenging part of your job? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-11-15 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04