¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People admire the life of influencers at social media\'s feed.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çü
2024-11-27 103

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In Korea, the beauty care industry is growing a few years. Especially, men start focusing on the beauty care like skin care, fashion, diet and so on. There are many reason that first of all, Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers. Second, many people watch on the social media feed like Facebook, Instagram and LinkIn etc. They look nice and beauty people's photo and making their life. It is not true life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for your thoughtful essay MS. Ella! You¡¯ve done an excellent job of exploring the dispute and its surrounding events. Keep up the fantastic work! By the way, please don't forget to change your class time for tomorrow so we can talk. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In Korea, the beauty care industry is growing a few years.
>>> In Korea,  the beauty care industry has been growing in recent years.
Especially, men start focusing on the beauty care like skin care, fashion, diet and so on.
>>>CORRECT~!^^
 There are many reason that first of all, Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers.
>>> There are several reasons for this. Idol and Entertainment industry is fast growing and It have an impact on teenagers.
Second, many people watch on the social media feed like Facebook, Instagram and LinkIn etc. 
>>> Secondly, many people follow social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and others.
They look nice and beauty people's photo and making their life. It is not true life.
>>> They see photos of attractive people on social media and compare them to their own lives, which often doesn't reflect reality."
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141173 Very common, Very important ¾È*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 1
141172 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 15
141171 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 15
141170 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 99
141169 Do you think it\'s necessary to wear a dress shirt at work? Why... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 107
141168 What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a sibling? ÇÑ*¿¬ ÁøÇàÁß 2024-11-26 104
141167 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 119
141166 being dentist ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 0
141165 dentist ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 1
141164 What¡¯s the most unforgettable experience you¡¯ve had with your... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 124
141163 Interview self introduction ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 127
141162 It\'s a message that makes childhood is so tired. ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2024-11-26 111
141161 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 2
141160 Homework ÇÑ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 2
141159 the pros and cons of eating out ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 0
141158 Are you excited about anything coming up soon? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 135
141157 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 7
141156 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 107
141155 Do you like going to crowded places? Why or why not? ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 34
141154 What will you do if the room rates of the hotel you used to go... ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-11-25 37

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04