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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Music

작성자: 최*정
2024-11-18 559

회원님의 영작문

What do you think about the music education in your country?

As far as I remember, it was pretty good. Students learn numerous songs since young, depending on their age. From children's songs to choral music that has different vocal roles in addition to several kinds of musical instruments, and basic composition. These may not be the deepest level of learning in each item, but still students are exposed to broad area of music. Only If I knew how other countries teach their students music throughout their curriculum, I could tell how good ours is.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yu Jeong! Great job! I really like how you explained the different types of music students learn. It's cool how they get to experience everything from fun children's songs to more complex choral music and composition. I also love how you’re curious about how other countries teach music. Yeah, it’s sometimes nice to compare and learn new things. Keep it up!
~T. Jenna

As far as I remember, it was pretty good. 
Correct, or
>>As far as I recall, it was relatively satisfactory.
Students learn numerous songs since young, depending on their age. From children's songs to choral music that has different vocal roles in addition to several kinds of musical instruments, and basic composition.
>>Students learn numerous songs from a young age, depending on their age, ranging from children's songs to choral music with different vocal roles, along with several kinds of musical instruments and basic composition.
OR
>>Students are exposed to a wide variety of songs from an early age, tailored to their developmental stage, encompassing everything from children's songs to intricate choral compositions with diverse vocal parts, as well as a range of musical instruments and foundational composition techniques.
These may not be the deepest level of learning in each item, but still students are exposed to broad area of music. 
>>These may not represent the deepest level of learning in each area, but still, students are exposed to a broad range of music.
OR
>>Although this may not represent the deepest dive into each individual area, it still provides students with a well-rounded exposure to the world of music.
Only If I knew how other countries teach their students music throughout their curriculum, I could tell how good ours is.
>>If I only knew how other countries teach music throughout their curriculum, I could tell how good ours is.
OR
>>Had I been more familiar with how other countries integrate music education into their curricula, I could more effectively evaluate the quality of our own system.
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HOW TO USE IT?

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