¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*´Ô
2024-11-11 131

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think women in korea are satisfied with their life.
Especially they don't have to serve the army.
Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
After marriage they are treated like queen.
Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in korea.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Ms. Sunny,
First off, I would like to congratulate you for making long sentences! Great job, Just simply look at my corrections to make a better statement or sentence just like your first 3 lines. 'Have a great day!
Aki~

I think women in Korea are satisfied with their life.
>>> CORRECT!

Especially they don't have to serve the army.
>>> CORRECT!

Companies and national institutions are more and more employing women .
>>> CORRECT!

After marriage they are treated like queen.
>>> After marriage they are treated like queens.

Because man's conditional of marriage is more hard than woman.
>>>  Because a man's conditional of marriage is harder than a woman's.

And it is easy to be broken thier marriage if the man don't treat well their partner.
>>> And it is easy to break their marriage if the man doesn't treat well their partner.

Brides don't need to have in mind of their in laws any more.
>>> Brides don't need to have in mind their in-laws anymore

There will be not a reason woman's life is worse than man's in Korea.
>>> There is no reason a woman's life is worse than a man's in Korea.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139147 8/14 writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 5
139146 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 1
139145 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 6
139144 What do you look forward to nowadays? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 2
139143 [HW]How do you handle conflicts or disagreements with friends? °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 706
139142 increase tax ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 1
139141 The positive side on \" Is drinking milk healthy for humans? \" ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 677
139140 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 557
139139 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 2
139138 What¡¯s the scariest thing about oceans? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 669
139137 8/13(Tue) homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 1017
139136 How do you respect the privacy of all the members of your family? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 619
139135 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 813
139134 Opinion of myself ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 711
139133 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 1
139132 homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 4
139131 self introduction ±è*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 809
139130 My favorite movie ¹Ú*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 649
139129 H.W À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 1
139128 2024.08.12 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-08-13 690

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04