¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to purchase my own house one day.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2024-11-07 261

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there again, Min!

I am so proud of your dream to own a house! I know this is possible with your hard work and dedication to your work. Since you can get some benefits from the government, you would better take advantage of the house loan or housing benefits available.

Below, there are some underlined words that you can use to make your sentences even better. Great job!

See you.

-T. Donna~

Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream that I possess my own house when I'm in forty.
>> Now I live in my parent's house, but I have a dream to possess my own house when I'm forty.

I think I have to be independent from my parents when I'm get older.
>> I think I have to be independent from my parents when I get older.

But I have to pay almost two hundred fifty thousand(250,000) dollars to purchase house in my hometown.
>> Correct!

It cost a fortune to me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
>> It costs a fortune for me now, but I want to possess my own house 10 years later.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140218 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 0
140217 Are you or anyone you know allergic to any food? What happens if... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 544
140216 Writing task: What is the best place for a vacation in your... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 457
140215 Has social media made it easier to get famous? Is this good or... ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 511
140214 What are the benefits of dancing? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 2
140213 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 2
140212 Are you good at planning? Do you always follow your plan? Why or... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 584
140211 give away ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1
140210 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 463
140209 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 405
140208 What hobby do you think would surprise people about you and why? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 585
140207 Should holidays be spread evenly throughout the year, or is it... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 662
140206 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1
140205 My major ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 545
140204 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 500
140203 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 310
140202 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1
140201 Is laziness always a bad thing? Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 5
140200 01oct2024_ homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 335
140199 Can you think of an example where taking less might be the... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 571

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04