¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can you be more mindful of your phone usage?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-11-01 68

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live. Especially the cell phone is very useful. We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work. But sometimes we use too much. When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone. We can\'t concentrate our conversation. I think that too much is not good. When we use phone, it is very important properly use. We need to warmly mind than machine.
.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eva,

I hope this message finds you well. I would like to express my sincere appreciation for your thoughtful homework submission. Your insights on the role of phones in our daily lives are commendable, and I admire your ability to recognize both their advantages and the importance of moderation in their use.

If I may suggest, incorporating more specific examples could enhance your arguments further and provide greater clarity.

Overall, I am truly impressed with your progress, and I encourage you to keep up the excellent work. I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop your writing skills!

~Teacher Cathy

 

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live.

>>These days, if we don't have a phone, it seems like we can't live.

Especially the cell phone is very useful.

>>Cell phones are very useful.

We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work.

>>We can know the news from our phone, we can pay money, play and work.

But sometimes we use too much.

>>But sometimes we use it too much.

When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone.

>>When we meet our friends, we don't put down our phones.

We can\'t concentrate our conversation.

>>We can't concentrate on our conversation.

I think that too much is not good.

>>I think using our phones too much isn't good.

When we use phone, it is very important properly use.

>>It's very important to use our phones properly.

We need to warmly mind than machine.

>>We need to value the mind over the machine.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139708 What¡¯s a plan you made as a kid that you still think about... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-05 594
139707 Homewrk ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-05 351
139706 What is the biggest change this world needs? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-05 590
139705 Would life be boring without risk? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 0
139704 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 3
139703 family reunion ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 2
139702 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 0
139701 Homework_Day1 (Q. Do you think greetings can influence the... ·ù*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 592
139700 Do you think social media has more positive or negative effects... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 532
139699 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 752
139698 . ÀÓ*¿Ï ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 2
139697 Have you ever been in a storm before? What did you do to stay... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 608
139696 Hi teacher ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 3
139695 Q) Do new inventions always create new problems? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 4
139694 Do you think pasta is better than other staple foods like rice,... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 494
139693 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 6
139692 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 0
139691 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 663
139690 homesick ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 1
139689 A social experiment ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 810

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04