¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can you be more mindful of your phone usage?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-11-01 1614

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live. Especially the cell phone is very useful. We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work. But sometimes we use too much. When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone. We can\'t concentrate our conversation. I think that too much is not good. When we use phone, it is very important properly use. We need to warmly mind than machine.
.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eva,

I hope this message finds you well. I would like to express my sincere appreciation for your thoughtful homework submission. Your insights on the role of phones in our daily lives are commendable, and I admire your ability to recognize both their advantages and the importance of moderation in their use.

If I may suggest, incorporating more specific examples could enhance your arguments further and provide greater clarity.

Overall, I am truly impressed with your progress, and I encourage you to keep up the excellent work. I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop your writing skills!

~Teacher Cathy

 

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live.

>>These days, if we don't have a phone, it seems like we can't live.

Especially the cell phone is very useful.

>>Cell phones are very useful.

We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work.

>>We can know the news from our phone, we can pay money, play and work.

But sometimes we use too much.

>>But sometimes we use it too much.

When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone.

>>When we meet our friends, we don't put down our phones.

We can\'t concentrate our conversation.

>>We can't concentrate on our conversation.

I think that too much is not good.

>>I think using our phones too much isn't good.

When we use phone, it is very important properly use.

>>It's very important to use our phones properly.

We need to warmly mind than machine.

>>We need to value the mind over the machine.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140124 How do you cheer up people in your family when they are feeling... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-28 1
140123 Who is your favorite musician, band, or group? How important are... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1443
140122 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1270
140121 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1917
140120 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1363
140119 How do your hobbies make you feel? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 2
140118 How much do you enjoy going out with friends? What activities do... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1491
140117 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1428
140116 Do you believe things happen for a reason, or can they happen... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1614
140115 Whale singing µµ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1637
140114 homework! ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1492
140113 I can do for my friends Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 4
140112 Do you believe cosmetics companies\' ads that say their products... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1376
140111 touch ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1
140110 Home work 0927 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1711
140109 Homework Àå*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1600
140108 increasing retirement age. ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1625
140107 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1740
140106 Do you think people help each other because it makes them feel... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1561
140105 What are the most common organizations in your country and what... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-09-27 1457

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04