¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can you be more mindful of your phone usage?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-11-01 1449

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live. Especially the cell phone is very useful. We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work. But sometimes we use too much. When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone. We can\'t concentrate our conversation. I think that too much is not good. When we use phone, it is very important properly use. We need to warmly mind than machine.
.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eva,

I hope this message finds you well. I would like to express my sincere appreciation for your thoughtful homework submission. Your insights on the role of phones in our daily lives are commendable, and I admire your ability to recognize both their advantages and the importance of moderation in their use.

If I may suggest, incorporating more specific examples could enhance your arguments further and provide greater clarity.

Overall, I am truly impressed with your progress, and I encourage you to keep up the excellent work. I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop your writing skills!

~Teacher Cathy

 

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live.

>>These days, if we don't have a phone, it seems like we can't live.

Especially the cell phone is very useful.

>>Cell phones are very useful.

We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work.

>>We can know the news from our phone, we can pay money, play and work.

But sometimes we use too much.

>>But sometimes we use it too much.

When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone.

>>When we meet our friends, we don't put down our phones.

We can\'t concentrate our conversation.

>>We can't concentrate on our conversation.

I think that too much is not good.

>>I think using our phones too much isn't good.

When we use phone, it is very important properly use.

>>It's very important to use our phones properly.

We need to warmly mind than machine.

>>We need to value the mind over the machine.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140821 cheap ways to stay healthy ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1394
140820 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1322
140819 Mold in my walk-in closet ±¸*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1
140818 Page 44. ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1
140817 HOMEWORK ¾ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-06 1599
140816 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1
140815 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 2
140814 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1200
140813 What do you do during your breaks between class in school and... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1136
140812 Diary-24.11.05 ¾È*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1468
140811 Where is the best place to have a picnic in Korea? Explain. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1214
140810 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1285
140809 Can you cook? What dishes do you know how to make? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1222
140808 Do you believe that sometimes tough love is necessary for... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1190
140807 What are the most common organizations in your country and what... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1249
140806 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1066
140805 What part does luck play in success? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1216
140804 Do you prefer living in a small town or a big city? Why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 2
140803 Homework ¾È*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1411
140802 If you could break one rule without any consequences, which one... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-11-05 1141

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04