¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can you be more mindful of your phone usage?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-11-01 505

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live. Especially the cell phone is very useful. We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work. But sometimes we use too much. When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone. We can\'t concentrate our conversation. I think that too much is not good. When we use phone, it is very important properly use. We need to warmly mind than machine.
.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eva,

I hope this message finds you well. I would like to express my sincere appreciation for your thoughtful homework submission. Your insights on the role of phones in our daily lives are commendable, and I admire your ability to recognize both their advantages and the importance of moderation in their use.

If I may suggest, incorporating more specific examples could enhance your arguments further and provide greater clarity.

Overall, I am truly impressed with your progress, and I encourage you to keep up the excellent work. I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop your writing skills!

~Teacher Cathy

 

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live.

>>These days, if we don't have a phone, it seems like we can't live.

Especially the cell phone is very useful.

>>Cell phones are very useful.

We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work.

>>We can know the news from our phone, we can pay money, play and work.

But sometimes we use too much.

>>But sometimes we use it too much.

When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone.

>>When we meet our friends, we don't put down our phones.

We can\'t concentrate our conversation.

>>We can't concentrate on our conversation.

I think that too much is not good.

>>I think using our phones too much isn't good.

When we use phone, it is very important properly use.

>>It's very important to use our phones properly.

We need to warmly mind than machine.

>>We need to value the mind over the machine.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139058 What\'s the worst experience you\'ve had in your hometown? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 696
139057 8/9 writing task ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 2
139056 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-09 1
139055 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 2
139054 What are the advantages of using credit cards compared to cash? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 2
139053 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 4
139052 What was the most popular music when you were 12 years old, what... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 942
139051 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 0
139050 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 802
139049 [HW]What body language would you like your country to adopt? Why? °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 850
139048 The negative side on \" Should people become vegetarian? \" ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 746
139047 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 1
139046 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 817
139045 What do you think of your class leaders? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 807
139044 Popular car amongst peer ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 780
139043 Writing task: What do you think is the most challenging role for... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 868
139042 Having a conversation with native speakers of English ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 688
139041 Q) How can a person effectively prepare for a job interview? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 0
139040 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 649
139039 How do you handle problems when you encounter one? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-08 638

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04