¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can you be more mindful of your phone usage?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Èñ
2024-11-01 113

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live. Especially the cell phone is very useful. We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work. But sometimes we use too much. When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone. We can\'t concentrate our conversation. I think that too much is not good. When we use phone, it is very important properly use. We need to warmly mind than machine.
.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Eva,

I hope this message finds you well. I would like to express my sincere appreciation for your thoughtful homework submission. Your insights on the role of phones in our daily lives are commendable, and I admire your ability to recognize both their advantages and the importance of moderation in their use.

If I may suggest, incorporating more specific examples could enhance your arguments further and provide greater clarity.

Overall, I am truly impressed with your progress, and I encourage you to keep up the excellent work. I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop your writing skills!

~Teacher Cathy

 

Recently if we don\'t have phone, it semms like can\'t live.

>>These days, if we don't have a phone, it seems like we can't live.

Especially the cell phone is very useful.

>>Cell phones are very useful.

We can know news from the phone, can paid money, can play and can work.

>>We can know the news from our phone, we can pay money, play and work.

But sometimes we use too much.

>>But sometimes we use it too much.

When we meet friends, we don\'t put down phone.

>>When we meet our friends, we don't put down our phones.

We can\'t concentrate our conversation.

>>We can't concentrate on our conversation.

I think that too much is not good.

>>I think using our phones too much isn't good.

When we use phone, it is very important properly use.

>>It's very important to use our phones properly.

We need to warmly mind than machine.

>>We need to value the mind over the machine.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138874 What is your greatest fear in life? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 606
138873 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 798
138872 Homework(7/29) ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 3
138871 Have you ever had a dream that seemed impossible? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 3
138870 homework ¹®*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 577
138869 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 1
138868 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 1
138867 Are you good with numbers? Do you have a lucky and unlucky... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 581
138866 July 29th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 685
138865 One of the most memorable times with my mother was when my... ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 622
138864 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 567
138863 Yearly plan ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 394
138862 archery ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 481
138861 What do you like to do when it¡¯s hot? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 3
138860 HOMEWORK FOR 07.31.2024 DIRECTIONS: Use the words in sentences: ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 2
138859 Page. 33 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 1
138858 Do you usually watch films alone or with others? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 1
138857 2024.07.30 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 590
138856 What are the advantages of working for a small company? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 0
138855 What is the best advice you could give to a teenager? ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-31 622

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04