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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My visa was denied

작성자: 구*정
2024-10-30 5

회원님의 영작문

Today I got a letter from NewZealand immigration offce. I was very stunned becase the letter said my student visa was denied. That was way beyond my expectations. My agency told me the bank account balance is enough to get the student visa and I didn't need to submit my account history. But the immigrant just denied my visa without any chance to submit further documents or evidences. I was so shocked. I felt mixed feeling at the same time. I thought "Is it a kind of hint for my life? God doesn't want me to go abroad?" etc... But I talked to my agency about it and decided to submit another visa application with develped balance evidences. I heard that to become a permanat residence of one country is really hard and will be a long story. I might be the first obstacle for me and my family's journey to another country. I don't know. I hope my family including me will got a visa which we were intended for the first time. Good luck to my family.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. Emma! Hopefully, everything goes well with your second application so you can proceed with the other steps you have to take before the end of the year. Thank you for sharing!
-T. Sonny
Today I got a letter from NewZealand immigration offce. 
>>Today, I received a letter from the New Zealand immigration office. 
I was very stunned becase the letter said my student visa was denied. 
>>I was so stunned because the letter said my student visa application was denied. 
That was way beyond my expectations. 
>>That was way out of my expectations.
My agency told me the bank account balance is enough to get the student visa and I didn't need to submit my account history. 
>>My agency told me that the bank account balance was enough to get the student visa and I didn't need to submit my account history. 
But the immigrant just denied my visa without any chance to submit further documents or evidences. 
>>But the immigrant just denied my visa without any chance to submit further documents or evidence. 
I was so shocked. 
>>Correct!
I felt mixed feeling at the same time. 
>>I had mixed feelings at that time.
I thought "Is it a kind of hint for my life? God doesn't want me to go abroad?" etc.
>>I thought, "Is it kind of a hint for my life?" Does God not want me to go abroad?" etc.
But I talked to my agency about it and decided to submit another visa application with develped balance evidences. 
>>But I talked to my agency about it and decided to submit another visa application with proof of developed balance. 
I heard that to become a permanat residence of one country is really hard and will be a long story. 
>>I heard that to get a permanent residence in a foreign country is a long, tough journey
I might be the first obstacle for me and my family's journey to another country. 
>>Correct!
I don't know. 
>>Correct!
I hope my family including me will got a visa which we were intended for the first time. 
>>I hope my family and I get the visa that we were aiming for the first time. 
Good luck to my family.
>>Correct!
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140714 Homework 오*현 완료 2024-10-30 1
140713 My visa was denied 구*정 완료 2024-10-30 5
140712 What do you think is the best way to avoid annoying people with... 김*린 완료 2024-10-30 11
140711 Homework 양*영 완료 2024-10-30 9
140710 Critical thinking skills 양*연 완료 2024-10-30 7
140709 Homework 오*봄 완료 2024-10-30 3
140708 What do you think is the most expensive hobby? 진*호 완료 2024-10-30 0
140707 My homework 이*도 완료 2024-10-29 13
140706 Do you like being the age at which you now are? 최*연 완료 2024-10-29 12
140705 >> Bertrand Russell said: \"War does not determine who is right... 이*민 완료 2024-10-29 1
140704 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-10-29 1
140703 Is it important to learn slang or swear words when learning a... 박*식 완료 2024-10-29 17
140702 Homework 김*현 완료 2024-10-29 6
140701 Do you think people sometimes give up too easily when trying to... 김*윤 완료 2024-10-29 16
140700 Homework 오*현 완료 2024-10-29 2
140699 What volunteer work do you see yourself doing? Why? 한*연 완료 2024-10-29 12
140698 What are some protocols you have at work? 이*훈 완료 2024-10-29 12
140697 What would happen if people lived in cities without any cars or... 박*은 완료 2024-10-29 8
140696 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-10-29 5
140695 I\'m less honest with my parants than when I was young 김*민 완료 2024-10-29 12

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