¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people say that humans are scarier than the most dangerous animals. Do you agree or disagree?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-10-24 555

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I disagree because humans can use weapons and smart but the most dangerous animals is smart and strong.
If humans don't have weapons they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
So humans are weaker than the most dangerous animals.(^_^)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your correced composition, Yale! Many thanks for sending it. Please take a look at the few revisions and alternative expressions provided. Have a good night sleep! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                 Some people say that humans are scarier than the most dangerous animals. Do you agree or disagree?


I disagree because humans can use weapons and smart but the most dangerous animals is smart and strong.
>> I disagree because humans can use weapons and are smart, but the most dangerous animals are smart and strong.

If humans don't have weapons they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
>> If humans don't have weapons, they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
>> OR: Without weapons, humans can't defeat the most dangerous animals. 

So humans are weaker than the most dangerous animals.(^_^)
>> CORRECT~~



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139364 What is the most important lesson in life that you have learned? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-22 883
139363 if you cook breakfast, do you cook for your whole family ?, or... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-22 704
139362 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-22 607
139361 vaccination ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-22 828
139360 Married couple\'s argument ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-22 6
139359 Imagine a day in the life of a character who has the power to... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 622
139358 About my dream house ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 752
139357 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 1
139356 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 1137
139355 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 2
139354 How can reading benefit you? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 768
139353 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 1
139352 How often do you have big family get-togethers? hat happens... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 750
139351 Do you like spending time at home? ±Ç*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 776
139350 Do you sometimes compete with your friends? In what way? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 776
139349 How can students become smart? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 741
139348 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 808
139347 Can you share any interesting stories or memorable experiences... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 663
139346 schedule ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 1
139345 What are some healthy habits you try to maintain in your daily... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-08-21 492

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04