¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people say that humans are scarier than the most dangerous animals. Do you agree or disagree?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2024-10-24 1317

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I disagree because humans can use weapons and smart but the most dangerous animals is smart and strong.
If humans don't have weapons they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
So humans are weaker than the most dangerous animals.(^_^)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your correced composition, Yale! Many thanks for sending it. Please take a look at the few revisions and alternative expressions provided. Have a good night sleep! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                 Some people say that humans are scarier than the most dangerous animals. Do you agree or disagree?


I disagree because humans can use weapons and smart but the most dangerous animals is smart and strong.
>> I disagree because humans can use weapons and are smart, but the most dangerous animals are smart and strong.

If humans don't have weapons they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
>> If humans don't have weapons, they can't win against the most dangerous animals.
>> OR: Without weapons, humans can't defeat the most dangerous animals. 

So humans are weaker than the most dangerous animals.(^_^)
>> CORRECT~~



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140521 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 1525
140520 My most memorable trip destination is ¡¯New Zealand¡¯ ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 1605
140519 I think save the money is strong point of going Dutch ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1
140518 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1
140517 What do you think of reporting or newscasting as a job? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1408
140516 What was your favorite sitcom? Why did you like it? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1516
140515 Have you ever been to a party? Write about it. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1451
140514 Is sport an important part of education? What does it teach... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1502
140513 Relax ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1386
140512 Well ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1449
140511 Yes ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1293
140510 homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1349
140509 Q) Do you think it¡¯s important to visit doctors when you have a... ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 1
140508 If you could try any new activity or hobby, what would it be? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-10-20 4
140507 my motivation Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-19 3
140506 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-19 1
140505 What are the similarities/differences between collectors and... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-10-19 1550
140504 Do you think birth order makes a difference in your personality? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-18 4
140503 Do you prefer to watch short or long videos online? What kinds... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-18 1470
140502 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-18 1374

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04