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Does obtaining an award at school matter?

작성자: 이*윤
2024-10-23 454

회원님의 영작문

Well, I think it's important to obtain an award at school in Korea.
In particular, it's very important to receive an award from middle school to high school.
This is because it's related to going to the top school.
Unfortunately, in Korea, it conducts a screening to advance to a good school, and one of the screening items is the school award.
High school award experience is more important than middle school because it affects university entrance exams.
However, from a personal point of view, it will be important to receive the award as well.
Because it means you are recognized to receive an award, you can improve your confidence and it can also deepen your interest.
In addition, you will be able to find what each individual likes or is good at, and you will able to decide your career path based on this.
However, these reasons can intensify competition among students and may lead to a sense of inferiority. Also, it may be related to a big crime called irregularities in entrance exams.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yun!~
It is true that receiving recognition for your efforts is rewarding and can increase your self-confidence because it makes you feel proud of yourself. It will motivate you to work harder and keep going. However, I hope that we will continue to follow our passions and work hard to succeed in everything we do, even if we don't receive recognition. 
Chammy

Well, I think it's important to obtain an award at school in Korea.
>> Well, I think it's important to obtain an award at schools in Korea.
In particular, it's very important to receive an award from middle school to high school.
Or
>> Specifically, winning an award from middle school to high school is important.
This is because it's related to going to the top school.
OR
>> It's because it can result in admission to a prestigious school.
Unfortunately, in Korea, it conducts a screening to advance to a good school, and one of the screening items is the school award.
OR
>> Regretfully, the school award is one of the screening criteria used in Korea to determine admission to a good school.
High school award experience is more important than middle school because it affects university entrance exams.
OR
>> Due to its impact on university entrance tests, high school awards experience is more influential than middle school.
However, from a personal point of view, it will be important to receive the award as well.
Or
>> From a personal perspective receiving the honor will be remarkable.
Because it means you are recognized to receive an award, you can improve your confidence and it can also deepen your interest.
OR
>> As it indicates that you are worthy of receiving an award, it might boost your self-esteem and arouse your curiosity.
In addition, you will be able to find what each individual likes or is good at, and you will able to decide your career path based on this.
>> In addition, you will be able to find what each individual likes or is good at, and you will be able to decide your career path based on this.
However, these reasons can intensify competition among students and may lead to a sense of inferiority. Also, it may be related to a big crime called irregularities in entrance exams.
OR
>> These factors, however, have the potential to worsen student competitiveness and develop a feeling of inferiority. Additionally, it might be connected to a serious offense known as entrance exam irregularities.
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