¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

what are the benefits of collecting?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¸°
2024-10-17 348

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it can be a habit. Therefore you can feel refreshing or happy whenever you do the habit. Also in case of collecting, you can be a expert when it comes to collecting, like coins, dolls, books, clothes, etc. Adittionly you can meet some friends with a same interest. In conclusion, it can be a habit, you can be a expert and meet similar friends as well. And I think it's good to collect from an unburdened line. I mean not that expensive to you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Lin! Good job expressing your ideas! You¡¯ve made some great points about collecting as a habit and the benefits it brings. Nicely written!

I think it can be a habit. 
Correct, or
>>I think collecting can be a rewarding habit. [ You can use pastime in case you meant hobby instead of habit)
Therefore you can feel refreshing or happy whenever you do the habit. 
>>Therefore, you can feel refreshed or happy whenever you do  the habit.
OR
>> Therefore, you can feel a breath of fresh air or a burst of happiness whenever you engage in the habit.
Also in case of collecting, you can be a expert when it comes to collecting, like coins, dolls, books, clothes, etc. 
>>Also, when it comes to collecting, you can become an expert in areas like coins, dolls, books, clothes, etc.
OR
>> Also, when it comes to collecting, you can cultivate expertise in areas such as coins, dolls, books, clothing, and more.
Adittionly you can meet some friends with a same interest. 
>>Additionally, you can meet some friends with the same interest.
OR
>>Moreover, you can connect with friends who share similar interests.
In conclusion, it can be a habit, you can be a expert and meet similar friends as well. 
>>In conclusion, it can be a habit, you can become an expert, and you can meet like-minded friends as well.
OR
>> In summary, collecting can become a rewarding habit, allow you to develop expertise, and help you connect with like-minded friends.
And I think it's good to collect from an unburdened line. I mean not that expensive to you.
>>And I think it's good to collect from an unburdened perspective. I mean, it shouldn't be too expensive for you.
OR
>> I believe it's beneficial to collect items that are not overly burdensome. By that, I mean items that are affordable for you.
OR
>> I believe it's beneficial to collect items that are affordable and enjoyable, allowing you to pursue your passion without financial strain.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140635 When was the last time you felt proud of yourself? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 471
140634 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 451
140633 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 456
140632 What is the most memorable or unforgettable place for you and... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 476
140631 Do you agree with the statement \"Failure is the most effective... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 483
140630 How do you think nature affects your mood and behavior? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 466
140629 you can get a lot of benefit to meet new people Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 3
140628 What would people think of a man who backs down from a fight?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 484
140627 How do you prioritize tasks when you have limited time? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 218
140626 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 450
140625 How does your weekend routine differ during different seasons of... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 477
140624 How can free time activities benefit both mental and physical... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 474
140623 What are the advantages and disadvantages of solo travel? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 476
140622 Do you believe in the power of taking breaks to recharge? How do... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 473
140621 What are some things you look for in a new place to call home? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 493
140620 How does saving money impact your future plans? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 481
140619 How does technology shape everyday life in South Korea? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 480
140618 Writing task: What activities do you want to explore? Why? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 481
140617 Increasing the minimum wage would reduce poverty. ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 481
140616 When was the last time you felt proud of yourself? ±¸*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-25 463

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04