¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2024-10-09 35

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Some people think that activities during free time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both sides and include examples and relevant data from your own experience.

Activities are very important. The power is given for us by exercising. Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us. If we do more active ignoring some body's systom, You may be dead.
everything is important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Lee! Happy holiday to  you~ Thank you for joining the class today! I appreciate the effort you put into making your essay longer this time. Keep up the great work as you continue to enhance your writing skills!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Activities are very important. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The power is given for us by exercising. 
>>> We can be stronger through exercising. 
Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
>>> Some people believe that engaging in activities can lead to a better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. 
>>> However, exercising without adequate rest can lead to injury.
Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
>>> Free time is valuable because it allows people to relax or engage in more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us.
>>> The key factor is how we judge ourselves and our choices.
If we do more active ignoring some body's system. You may be dead. everything is important.
>>> If we do excessive exercises, it may be harmful to our body. So it's important to consider all factors. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139683 If you could plan a dream trip to any place in the world right... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 380
139682 What kind of facilities or features do you think should be in... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 387
139681 Treat sick workers ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 474
139680 Do you think holidays are important? Why? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-04 0
139679 The positive side of \"Is a college education worth it?\" ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 353
139678 homework ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1
139677 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 403
139676 When should people avoid making promises? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1
139675 Choose one popular fairy tale and change its ending. Explain why... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 0
139674 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 4
139673 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 377
139672 What things did you often trade when you were a child? Who did... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 568
139671 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 428
139670 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1
139669 Are you generally a positive person or a negative person? ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 376
139668 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 1
139667 Which part of your childhood do you wish you could change? Why? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 275
139666 If you could design your own park, what would you put in it? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 474
139665 Homwork ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 0
139664 homework ·ù*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-03 319

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04