¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2024-10-09 1549

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Some people think that activities during free time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both sides and include examples and relevant data from your own experience.

Activities are very important. The power is given for us by exercising. Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us. If we do more active ignoring some body's systom, You may be dead.
everything is important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Lee! Happy holiday to  you~ Thank you for joining the class today! I appreciate the effort you put into making your essay longer this time. Keep up the great work as you continue to enhance your writing skills!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Activities are very important. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The power is given for us by exercising. 
>>> We can be stronger through exercising. 
Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
>>> Some people believe that engaging in activities can lead to a better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. 
>>> However, exercising without adequate rest can lead to injury.
Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
>>> Free time is valuable because it allows people to relax or engage in more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us.
>>> The key factor is how we judge ourselves and our choices.
If we do more active ignoring some body's system. You may be dead. everything is important.
>>> If we do excessive exercises, it may be harmful to our body. So it's important to consider all factors. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140195 What would you do if your best friend stold something from you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1338
140194 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1604
140193 What¡¯s the most important date in your calendar and why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1361
140192 My motto of life µµ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1612
140191 Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1536
140190 Which place or country would you like to visit at least once in... Àå*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1525
140189 Yes ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1
140188 What are the advantages of living in a city? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 0
140187 What is one hobby you¡¯ve always wanted to try but haven¡¯t yet? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1597
140186 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1536
140185 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1470
140184 What is your favorite day of the week and why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 5
140183 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1744
140182 This is short essay about Korean greetings culture! ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 2
140181 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 0
140180 Which is a better way to spend your holiday, go away on vacation... ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1602
140179 My homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1859
140178 My homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1663
140177 What are the benefits of having hobbies? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 0
140176 Giving advice ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-01 1834

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04