¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2024-10-09 1509

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Some people think that activities during free time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both sides and include examples and relevant data from your own experience.

Activities are very important. The power is given for us by exercising. Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us. If we do more active ignoring some body's systom, You may be dead.
everything is important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Lee! Happy holiday to  you~ Thank you for joining the class today! I appreciate the effort you put into making your essay longer this time. Keep up the great work as you continue to enhance your writing skills!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Activities are very important. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The power is given for us by exercising. 
>>> We can be stronger through exercising. 
Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
>>> Some people believe that engaging in activities can lead to a better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. 
>>> However, exercising without adequate rest can lead to injury.
Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
>>> Free time is valuable because it allows people to relax or engage in more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us.
>>> The key factor is how we judge ourselves and our choices.
If we do more active ignoring some body's system. You may be dead. everything is important.
>>> If we do excessive exercises, it may be harmful to our body. So it's important to consider all factors. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140221 Topics ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1516
140220 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1
140219 >> What are some essential tips for hosting a memorable pajama... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 4
140218 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 0
140217 Are you or anyone you know allergic to any food? What happens if... ¿À*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1510
140216 Writing task: What is the best place for a vacation in your... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1576
140215 Has social media made it easier to get famous? Is this good or... ¹Ú*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1525
140214 What are the benefits of dancing? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 2
140213 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 2
140212 Are you good at planning? Do you always follow your plan? Why or... ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1579
140211 give away ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1
140210 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1468
140209 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1387
140208 What hobby do you think would surprise people about you and why? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-03 1631
140207 Should holidays be spread evenly throughout the year, or is it... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1727
140206 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1
140205 My major ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1602
140204 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1842
140203 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1337
140202 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-10-02 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04