¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2024-10-09 563

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Some people think that activities during free time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both sides and include examples and relevant data from your own experience.

Activities are very important. The power is given for us by exercising. Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us. If we do more active ignoring some body's systom, You may be dead.
everything is important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Lee! Happy holiday to  you~ Thank you for joining the class today! I appreciate the effort you put into making your essay longer this time. Keep up the great work as you continue to enhance your writing skills!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Activities are very important. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
The power is given for us by exercising. 
>>> We can be stronger through exercising. 
Some masters say that activities help to become better life.
>>> Some people believe that engaging in activities can lead to a better life.
But The exercise without rest is make your body broken. 
>>> However, exercising without adequate rest can lead to injury.
Free time is just free time. people can take a rest or do more exercise.
>>> Free time is valuable because it allows people to relax or engage in more exercise.
The important thing is judgement of us.
>>> The key factor is how we judge ourselves and our choices.
If we do more active ignoring some body's system. You may be dead. everything is important.
>>> If we do excessive exercises, it may be harmful to our body. So it's important to consider all factors. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138225 Q) Can working out make people happy? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1
138224 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 12
138223 HOMEWORK FOR 07.02.2024 WRITING TASK: What is the most famous... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 3
138222 HOMEWORK ÁÖ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 749
138221 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 940
138220 The thing that I regret ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 12
138219 What are the best ways to avoid getting sick? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 872
138218 Is mental health more important than physical health? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 829
138217 Do you think buffet restaurants are worth their price? Why or... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 1088
138216 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 754
138215 How can weightlifting help with everyday activities and overall... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 784
138214 What are the consequences of doing homework in a dishonest way? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-02 823
138213 Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the... ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 805
138212 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 0
138211 Lifestyle ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 664
138210 \"Every cloud has a silver lining\" is a popular old saying.... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 653
138209 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 2
138208 What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in the... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 793
138207 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 5
138206 2024.06.28 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-01 691

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04