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영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Being physically attractive

작성자: 박*경
2024-10-04 88

회원님의 영작문

This is the section that I never have thaught before. But, when we have a attractive body, there are several advantages clearly. Let me tell some benefits.
On the one hand, we can have confidence. It seems difficult to deny that we feel confident when we lose weight and do selfcare regularly. In this case, selfcare could include exercise of muscle, stretching, pilates...etc. I can tell my experience in this regard. Since last year, I regularly have done exercise and increased muscle mass. Also, I have reduced my body fat, too. Even though I was a confident person enough before losing weight, it is obvious that I gain more confidence from the fact that I have made an effort, and I'm the person who can do anything. This is a big benefit for oneself.
On the other hand, we can encounter others who have good feeling for us. Of course, the difference of appearance shouldn't be a basis for discrimination. However, it is natural for human to be attracted by beautiful or good-looking someone.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. Casey! Appearance could play a huge role in someone's life, especially in this day and age. People are into appearance and some advances in technology make a lot of procedures possible. But, I believe that inner beauty matters more. 
-T.Sonny
This is the section that I never have thaught before. 
>>This is something that I have never thought before.
But, when we have a attractive body, there are several advantages clearly. 
>>But, when we have an attractive body, there are several advantages, for sure. 
Let me tell some benefits.
>>Let me tell you some benefits.
On the one hand, we can have confidence. 
>>On one hand, we can have confidence. 
It seems difficult to deny that we feel confident when we lose weight and do selfcare regularly. 
>>It seems difficult to deny that we feel confident when we lose weight and do self-care regularly. 
In this case, selfcare could include exercise of muscle, stretching, pilates...etc. 
>>In this case, self-care could include muscle exercises, stretching, Pilates and many more. 
I can tell my experience in this regard. 
>>I can tell you my experience in this regard. 
Since last year, I regularly have done exercise and increased muscle mass. 
>>Correct!
Also, I have reduced my body fat, too. 
>>Correct!
Even though I was a confident person enough before losing weight, it is obvious that I gain more confidence from the fact that I have made an effort, and I'm the person who can do anything. 
>>Even though I was a confident person enough before losing weight, it is obvious that I gained more confidence from the fact that I have made an effort, and it felt like I am someone who can do anything. 
This is a big benefit for oneself.
>>This provides a huge satisfaction to oneself.
On the other hand, we can encounter others who have good feeling for us. 
>>On the other hand, we can encounter others who have good feelings for us. 
Of course, the difference of appearance shouldn't be a basis for discrimination. 
>>Of course, the difference in appearance shouldn't be a basis for discrimination. 
However, it is natural for human to be attracted by beautiful or good-looking someone.
>>However, it is natural for humans to be attracted by good looks.
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