¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2024-10-01 9

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

HOMEWORK FOR TODAY:
ESSAY: Today, some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own. Do you think that the popularity of mobile phones is a good or bad thing?

I think owning a cell phone has a very bad effect.
With cell phones, we humans stop thinking and make no effort to know how we don't know. We just type on a small screen. We don't look at books or listen to experts. They can get into accidents while believing and copying only the information that may be wrong.
Although there are many benefits, I think the use of cell phones has more bad effects.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Lee! It's great to see you dedicating time to your homework again. I really appreciate your effort, and I hope you find value in your writing process. Keep up the fantastic work!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think owning a cell phone has a very bad effect.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> I believe that owning a cell phone can have negative effects.
With cell phones, we humans stop thinking and make no effort to know how we don't know.
>>> With cell phones, we often stop thinking critically and neglect the effort to understand what we don¡¯t know.
We just type on a small screen. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
We don't look at books or listen to experts. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> We don't read books or listen to experts. 
They can get into accidents while believing and copying only the information that may be wrong.
>>> They can end up in accidents by believing and copying incorrect information.
Although there are many benefits, I think the use of cellphones has more bad effects.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> Although there are benefits, I think cell phones have more negative effects.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139988 Have you even seen falling stars? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-22 142
139987 HOMEWORK È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-22 200
139986 New features ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-21 176
139985 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-21 249
139984 No ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-21 73
139983 If you were President of Korea, what would you do to improve... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-21 0
139982 Homework_Day5 (Q. How do you find the best restaurants to eat... ·ù*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-21 270
139981 what is the most difficult things about learning english? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-21 270
139980 hello ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 1
139979 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 1
139978 Write about a memorable holiday experience. ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 286
139977 My MBTI ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 270
139976 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 174
139975 gab year ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 1
139974 luggage ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 1
139973 What do you do when you see someone in danger? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 285
139972 How important are cosmetics? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 274
139971 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 272
139970 What significance does Chuseok hold for you personally, and how... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 264
139969 \"character is power\" ÀÌ*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-20 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04