¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good id

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2024-09-26 596

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think It is not good idea. I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends. However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Betty!
Thank you for highlighting your points through this composition. I hope you keep on doing a good homework.
Chammy

I think It is not good idea. 
>> I think It is not a good idea. 
I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. 
>> I met friends who have done part-time jobs for 5 years or more. 
They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. 
>>  They seem to have a poor education and unhappy student life.
I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends.
>> I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy a happy time with friends.
However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
However, if they have jobs at an earlier time compared to their friends, they can easily lose their personal lives.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.
>> Therefore, I think that having jobs at an early age is not a good idea.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138826 What would you do if someone gossiped about you? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 4
138825 What is the most unusual thing you\'ve ever eaten? Did it taste... Àå*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 628
138824 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 777
138823 2024.07.29 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 1
138822 24/7 shop ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 1
138821 July 26th homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 639
138820 homework ¹®*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 621
138819 In your own opinion, what do you think are the factors that... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 449
138818 Traffic rules prone to breaking ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 3
138817 Explain the saying \"Time is Gold.\" ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 752
138816 Q) Do you think a government could make everyone happy? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 1
138815 Have you ever become an athlete? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 639
138814 Page.31 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 2
138813 HOMEWORK FOR 07.29.2024 WRITING TASK: How do you handle problems... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 6
138812 Homework 07.19 / 07.26. 2024 ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 3
138811 H.W À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 0
138810 The reason why music is a cultural activity ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 749
138809 I think blame the person is more reasonable. ±è*¼ö ÁøÇàÁß 2024-07-29 727
138808 What emotions do you think the Taj Mahal evokes in people who... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 851
138807 Have you ever regretted not saying something to someone? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-29 766

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04