¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good id

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2024-09-26 124

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think It is not good idea. I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends. However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Betty!
Thank you for highlighting your points through this composition. I hope you keep on doing a good homework.
Chammy

I think It is not good idea. 
>> I think It is not a good idea. 
I met the friends that have done part time job for 5 years or more. 
>> I met friends who have done part-time jobs for 5 years or more. 
They seem like having poor education and not enjoying their student life. 
>>  They seem to have a poor education and unhappy student life.
I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy happy time with friends.
>> I believe all teenagers need to satisfy their own life and enjoy a happy time with friends.
However, If they have jobs earlier time compared with friends, they can lost their personal life easily.
However, if they have jobs at an earlier time compared to their friends, they can easily lose their personal lives.
Therefore, I think that to have jobs in early age is not good way.
>> Therefore, I think that having jobs at an early age is not a good idea.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138022 Try to be a man of value ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 426
138021 Why is it necessary to advertise? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 309
138020 What are the disadvantages of having diverse options at a... ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 521
138019 Do you think Korean meals are healthy? Why or why not? ±è*±â ¿Ï·á 2024-06-24 485
138018 Who else is better than Mr. Yun as a president? Explain your... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 453
138017 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 1
138016 I want to know these sentences are grammatically correct or not! °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 479
138015 Are you a helpful person? Explain your answer. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 508
138014 First greeting for meeting ÀÌ*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 5
138013 Homework ÃÖ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-06-23 2
138012 How important is salary to you when considering a job offer? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 443
138011 Would you let a stranger borrow something from you? Why? Why not? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 1
138010 What is your least favorite game? Why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 501
138009 What influenced your choice of job? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-22 506
138008 Essay homework ÀÌ*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 496
138007 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 520
138006 Do you enjoy meeting new people? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 446
138005 What are some similarities and differences between your... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 608
138004 Pronouncing vowels ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 468
138003 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-21 486

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04