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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

What do you like the most about your family?

작성자: 정*영
2024-09-10 31

회원님의 영작문

I think that one of good thing about my family which always give the comfortable energy.
After finishing work, I'm exhausted and tired for the stress. Then I usually called my mom, and talking to her with various things. While I communicated with her, I;m feeling better than before. So I always thanksful to my mom.
And second thing is their dedicated effort.
Once I moving new house, I'm very worried. Because I'm good at orgarnizing stuff, cleaning the house.
So, my parent and younger brother help me a lot. As a result, I'm done with my moving.
For now, I'm familiar with my new house. Without their effort, It hasn't possible to successfully it.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Gloria! 

It’s so nice to see you here on the composition board! Your writing about your family is really heartfelt and shows how much you appreciate their support and effort. It’s wonderful that you have such a strong connection with your mom and that talking with her helps you feel better. Your gratitude is very touching. Also, it's great to hear that your family was there to help you with the move and that you’re now settling into your new home. Keep appreciating those who support you, and remember that your hard work and their efforts together make everything possible. You're doing a fantastic job! 

~Teacher Cathy 

  

I think that one of good thing about my family which always give the comfortable energy.   

>> I think one of the good things about my family is that they always provide comforting energy.   

After finishing work, I'm exhausted and tired for the stress.   

>> After finishing work, I’m exhausted and stressed.   

OR>> After work, I feel tired and stressed out. 

Then I usually called my mom, and talking to her with various things.   

>> Then I usually call my mom and talk to her about various things.   

While I communicated with her, I;m feeling better than before.   

>> While I’m communicating with her, I feel better than before.   

OR>> Talking with her always makes me feel better. 

So I always thanksful to my mom.   

>> So I am always thankful to my mom.   

And second thing is their dedicated effort.   

>> The second thing is their dedicated effort.   

OR>> Another important thing is their dedication. 

Once I moving new house, I'm very worried.   

>> When I was moving to a new house, I was very worried.   

OR>> During my move to a new house, I was quite worried. 

Because I'm good at orgarnizing stuff, cleaning the house.   

>> Because I am good at organizing things and cleaning the house.   

So, my parent and younger brother help me a lot.   

>> So, my parents and younger brother helped me a lot.   

As a result, I'm done with my moving.   

>> As a result, I completed my move.   

OR>> Thanks to their help, I finished moving. 

 For now, I'm familiar with my new house.   

>> Now, I am familiar with my new house.   

Without their effort, It hasn't possible to successfully it.   

>> Without their effort, it wouldn’t have been possible to succeed.   

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