¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do children have to ask permission from their parents when they go out? Explain.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2024-09-05 567

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, children have to ask permission from their parents because if they don't have to ask permission from their parents, it is dangerous.
All parents have to know where and who their child do.
I always ask permission from my parents when I have promise with my friends.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Here's your edited essay, Jimmy. I appreciate your sending it. Please go over the revisions given below. Have a good evening there!  


Cheers,
Jean~~




                                         Do children have to ask permission from their parents when they go out? Explain.


Yes, children have to ask permission from their parents because if they don't have to ask permission from their parents, it is dangerous.
>> Yes, children have to ask permission from their parents because if they don't, it is dangerous.

All parents have to know where and who their child do.
>> All parents have to know where their children are and who they're with. 

I always ask permission from my parents when I have promise with my friends.
>> I always ask permission from my parents when I have appointments with my friends.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136146 Do you prefer beach vacations or mountain getaways? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-05 652
136145 How do you maintain your good skills? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-05 2
136144 Missed investments ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-05 603
136143 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-05 0
136142 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-05 0
136141 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-05 1
136140 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 1139
136139 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 1
136138 What festivals do you enjoy? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 3
136137 Page.37 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 2
136136 What do you usually order in your favorite restaurant? ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 925
136135 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 752
136134 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 1
136133 What are the questions you ask yourself before inviting someone? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 853
136132 What kind of feelings do you usually feel every day? Write about... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 918
136131 How are you different from your best friend? Describe your... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 1056
136130 What do you think the importance of traveling is? ½Å*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 2
136129 Running low ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 960
136128 Do you think it\'s important to stand up for what you believe... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 2
136127 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 783

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04