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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Q) Are you looking forward to your retirement?

작성자: 최*영
2024-08-30 57

회원님의 영작문

No. I am not. To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Ms. Mika! I understand your concerns about retirement, especially given Korea's low birth rate and the challenges with the national pension system. It’s natural to worry about financial and emotional stability.
~T. Jenna

No. I am not.  To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. 
>>No, I am not. To be honest, I am worried about life after retirement.
It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. 
>>It is a well-known fact that Korea has experienced an unprecedented low birth rate.
It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. 
Correct, or
>>This suggests that we could face a dwindling workforce in the near future.
Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. 
Correct, or
>>Given the national pension system, which functions under the 'pay-as-you-go' economic model or principle, governments generally collect contributions from the current workforce and subsequently allocate these funds to pensioners.
Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. 
Correct, or
>>Therefore, a shrinking younger generation results in a reduced workforce, creating considerable uncertainty regarding the stability of my pension post-retirement.
Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. 
Correct, or
>>Furthermore, I am apprehensive about my social network after retirement, particularly given my current single status.
I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. 
>>I prefer to marry a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows whether it will be possible or not.
OR
>>I’d like to marry someone who’s a good match for me, but it’s uncertain whether that will actually happen.
If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. 
Correct, or
>>If I were to age alone, I would likely feel solitary and estranged.
In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.
Correct, or
>>In conclusion, I’m quite downbeat about life after quitting a job, especially when it comes to financial and emotional stability.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
139800 HOMEWORK 홍*선 완료 2024-09-09 1
139799 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-09-09 2
139798 Don\'t ask to her/his body size! 이*빈 완료 2024-09-09 4
139797 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-09-09 47
139796 What healthy habits do you have? 오*민 완료 2024-09-09 50
139795 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-09-09 44
139794 What activities do you usually do when you meet friends? 오*민 완료 2024-09-09 59
139793 What is your favorite room in your house? Why? 이*희 완료 2024-09-09 56
139792 9/9(Mon) homework 김*희 완료 2024-09-09 54
139791 Whose personality do you like best out of all the people in the... 박*은 완료 2024-09-09 39
139790 Q) Do you think that it is more valuable to read a book than to... 최*영 완료 2024-09-09 4
139789 Short-term and long-term goals 이*규 완료 2024-09-09 52
139788 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-09-09 51
139787 overnight 민*정 완료 2024-09-09 2
139786 thankful 민*정 완료 2024-09-09 1
139785 Do you think it is more important to make a lot of money or to... 이*윤 완료 2024-09-09 47
139784 Let\'s We think about The Important of music. 고*호 완료 2024-09-09 47
139783 homework 심*진 완료 2024-09-09 2
139782 What is your favorite drink? Is there a special memory or story... 임*미 완료 2024-09-09 49
139781 Aromatherapy 양*연 완료 2024-09-09 53

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